


Bring The Lion Out

by jaredpadacock



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Asphyxiation, Blood Kink, Blood and Gore, Daddy Kink, Dubious Consent, Knifeplay, M/M, Necrophilia, Past Child Abuse, Rape Fantasy, Self-Harm, Serial Killers, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-29 20:25:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13934721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaredpadacock/pseuds/jaredpadacock
Summary: Jared is a killer with an impressive body count living right under the law’s nose by being a successful lawyer. He is incredibly smart but plagued with perfectionism, poor social skills and strict killing rituals. He meets Jensen and the plan was to kill him. But Jared realizes the boy is as fucked up as him. Jared’s able to work Jensen like an instrument, brings out all the nasties and anger in his head and puts them to good use. It’s a Harley Quinn and The Joker love story but with more self hate, gore porn and necrophilia.(This is not an accurate representation of crime, law(s) and jurisdictions. I am not a cop or lawyer i don’t know how this shit works. Just take it and roll with it  i tried thnx)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to 100% complete this before publishing but i'm impatient and get off on people kudoing my work.   
> This is fucked up. Enjoy!

Jared first killed something when he was eight years old.

It was a hot summer day in Texas. School was out, Jared had no friends and there was a bird’s nest in his treehouse. Right in the corner of the frame of it. The boy had to stand up on tippy toes in asphalt melted sandals just to peek his nose over the edge.

They were ugly. No eyeballs, four or five feathers on top of their wrinkly ball-sack like head. Those bright orange gaping mouths that would latch onto his pinky finger. Skinny necks; like a bendy straw trying to balance a bowling ball on top.

Jared liked animals. He had a dog, his momma had an old cat that died a few years ago. One time he was able to bring the classroom’s hamster home and it was really fun. The problem was that Jared liked animals too much and wanted to see their insides on their outsides.

With chubby still baby hands, Jared scooped the fragile hatchlings out of the nest, sat them on the ground of his treehouse. He poked at them; pulling their wings out, watching the top heavy defenseless things squirm about. He played with them for five minutes before finding a rock and smashing their heads into the wood. It wasn’t something he ever planned, but it wasn’t something he had to think twice about.

It didn’t take a lot to kill them and Jared was kind of disappointed that there wasn't a lot of blood. It wasn’t like his big brother’s violent video games with screams and blood gushing like a broken fire hydrant. Still, he swirled his fingers in the guts of it; knees tucked under his chin and finger painted baby bird brains in neat little circles until momma called him in for lunch time.

When he was ten, he moved onto squirrels. Jared was a smart boy - too smart. He’d make up little traps in his notebook while he listened to his teacher, then get home and make them. It only took three tries to catch a fluffy little thing. That one didn’t want to play as much. The critter bit and scratched at him; in response Jared broke its neck with his own two hands. It snapped easily like two twigs. Again- not what was planned but didn’t need to think twice about it.

Jared learned that it wasn’t okay to kill things when he was twelve. At recess, four children were crowded around a bird with a broken wing. They poked at it, one girl was crying about it, one said they should get a teacher. Jared, thinking all little boys liked to murder animals, walked right into the crowd and crushed the bird under his foot. Ten times. The kid got into so much trouble at that. He was rushed into the office, parents were called, his momma cried, Jared didn’t understand. What was the big deal? The thing was gonna die anyway and it looked awfully pathetic just flopping around in pain. Still, The principal made him leave school early. That didn’t matter, Jared was still thinking about it after dinner. So, he snuck out his bedroom window and went back to the school yard just to shovel the dead bird into a shoebox. He made sure to get all the smooshed guts too. He kept it under his bed for a week, just so he could dissect it until Dad asked why there was a bad smell in his room.

After that, he didn’t kill anything for a long while. Not counting stepping on rollie pollie bugs in the driveway. Mom had a long long talk with him. She told him that he needed to makes friends, pointed out that he hadn’t had a friend since he was seven when his next door neighbor friend moved away. It didn’t make sense as to why Mom was so worried about it; with her pinched face and big wet eyes. Didn’t she realize Jared was okay and happy on his own? Maybe that wasn’t normal for a boy of fifteen.

And Jared was okay being alone, until he met Andrew.

They met at the library in the science section. He had big goofy glasses that kept falling down his face and blond curls around his ears. They hit it off pretty well; by sixteen, Jared had learned plenty of normal socially acceptable scripts to make idle chat. One’s that didn’t involve talk about death and viscera. He finally had a friend, Mom was happy about it and was the first to invite him over for dinner.

Jared wasn’t sure when or how or why his life of happy solitude ended; what Andrew did to make his brain do this, but suddenly Andrew was all Jared could think about. Harmless stuff really. Going to a basketball game with. Playing video games, sharing a porn magazine. Kissing maybe, Jerking each other off, wrapping his hands around Andrew’s flushed throat. Squeezing.

Jared hadn’t had an urge to hit something over the head with a hammer in a long while, until that one day after practice in the locker room. Hot sweaty Texas heat and football practice. Steamy showers with crude locker room talk. Comparing, story telling of latest fucks, teasing, sucking noises off in the corner. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” Andrew says and like crushing the baby birds, Jared pulls his dick out automatically and without second thought.

As Andrew was on his knees in a corner of the locker room sucking his cock, big pretty brown eyes looking up at him, Jared suddenly had the thought of shoving his dick in the boy’s eye socket. A second later, he’s pouring his hot load into Andrew’s throat and as he chokes on it, Jared’s choking on his own tongue and vile thoughts.

It was all downhill from there.

Obsession grew faster than California wildfire in the summer. Andrew was all he could think about. Where his friend was, who he was with, what they were doing. Why wasn’t Andrew calling him. Why wasn’t Andrew paying attention to him. Where was he, why wasn’t he with me. He needs to be with me. Right now. Where is he. Why isn’t he answering his phone. What if he’s with someone…. Someone that’s not me. It drove Jared insane and it was all Andrew’s fault for his fretting. What an asshole. I hate him, I love him.

“You’re really scaring me, Jared. I think…. I don’t wanna be your friend anymore.”

Jared didn’t know something like this could hurt so much. But they loved each other. They had sex, Andrew sucked his dick. They were in love. What they had was special… Wasn’t it?  
He didn’t know what to do about it, couldn’t process his emotions and feelings, couldn’t express them verbally. That not forgotten about instinct took over and soon, Jared’s hands were around Andrew’s throat. It was a thrill and a rush baby birds and caged squirrels couldn’t provide. This was bigger, this fought back, this made amazing noises. This took longer. Andrew was gone in a few minutes. Not fifteen seconds like the animals in his backyard.

Jared gently laid his lover on the ground, watching his head fall to the side, expression stone frozen. Jared felt like he stopped breathing as well, one hand on Andrew’s pulse, the other on his friend’s stomach. What did he do. He went too far this time. Sure, he smacked Andrew around but that was play fighting, wasn’t it? What lovers do? This- this was different. Jared whispered Andrew’s name, not expecting a response and none came. The teenager shivered for all the wrong reasons.

“You… You made me do it, you know. You make me so mad.” He’s whispering it, voice one tone. Jared stands up fully, Andrew’s body still between his spread feet. His lover has never looked more beautiful. And for the first time, Jared felt like he could really look and stare and his friend. Before, he would only stare at his friend while he slept or was looking away. He was way too nervous to ever look him in the eyes. Felt too personal, almost like if Andrew looked, he could see right into Jared’s soul and see how fucking messed up he was.

He always had thoughts about killing a person, but he didn’t actually think he’d ever do it. It was a fantasy he jerked his cock to at night. That’s it. Like always, killing his friend wasn’t a second thought in his mind. It was half a thought and now, there was a still warm body under him. It rattled him to the core in the sickest of ways. He’s never seen a real dead body. This was real. Very, Very real. This wasn’t like the movies. The teenager couldn’t process it. Logically, Jared knows he should be afraid, should be thinking of how to hide the body. Cut up? Thrown in the lake? Burned? What’s his alibi? Silently and with a slack, gaping mouth, Jared falls to one knee. Calm fingers prod over the body. Over Andrew’s beautiful features, his thumb almost automatically goes to his socket, gently presses his thumb pad against his pretty pretty brown eye. Andrew doesn’t fight back, Jared’s tongue is lolling out of his mouth like a fucking dog.

Yeah. First things first, deciding how to hide this can come later. Jared’s been having fevered wet dreams about this since he was fifteen years old. His hands only shake as he makes for his belt buckle. For the first time, he has a real body all to himself. And it was Andrew. It couldn’t be better than that. He wasn’t going to miss this incredible opportunity.

Gutting squirrels and murdering baby birds seemed kind of pointless after that.

Jared’s smart - such a smart pretty boy. He knows how to act; shrug and bat his eyelashes to the cops, make up a story. He doesn’t get handcuffs around his wrists; he gets comforting hands on his back, hugs and forehead kisses from silly girls at school. Not even Mom questions his grieving.The teenager has the nerve to talk at Andrew’s body-less funeral. Jared talks about what a good ‘friend’ he was. How sweet he was when in the back of his mind, he can still hear the squelch squish of his insides on his outsides and in his hands. Jared had beautiful memories of his friend, he didn’t need to fake looking reminiscent. Andrew’s mom and dad ate it up like strawberry dipped ice cream.

Jared worked his way out of highschool, right into a shiny expensive lawschool and a red hoodie, all the while fucking, killing, then fucking again a new body once or twice a year. Two bodies a year was enough for his satisfaction and nobody misses two. Jared knows he starts dropping five or more, it’ll get people’s attention. And he doesn’t touch kids under ten. Children going missing set off a red alarm like no other. The entire country freaks out.

Sometimes they were lovers, sometimes just a sexy little homeless thing. Jared really didn’t have a type and that made him go under the radar better. Nobody would miss a degenerate troubled teen or a bum outside of a bar. Besides, with his fancy lawyer job, Jared’s got enough bloody evidence to jerk off too. The fucker’s got a spank bank out of it, videos and pictures.

He knows the rules, knows the laws, knows what people expect out of a serial killer. He’s seen plenty of cases where stupid killers make stupid moves. On the outside, Jared is anything but your stereotypical killer.

He has a nice home, a nice car. Been single for a while but oh- he’s just focusing on his career right now. The man donates to a dog shelter every month and when he’s not busy, hands out food at the homeless shelter. Jared has a methodical daily routine and every dust bunny in the house has its place.

He’s normal and unthreatening to the average eye. That’s how he gets away with everything.


	2. Chapter Two

Go home early they said, You look tired they said. It’ll be good for you, they said. Jared was a bit of a workaholic; he was good at what he did and passionate. Everyone at work knew he worked too hard. It was the start of the weekend and he’s been working since seven am. Maybe- Maybe it would be okay to go home early. Although, the fact that he was swaying off his daily routine made his skin crawl to the point where Jared wanted to delicately fillet it off his bones. Jared always came home at six pm. He clocked out at five-thirty, gave half an hour give for traffic and he was slipping into his pajamas by six. And if traffic is bad, he waits till six o-five, fifteen, or six-thirty to go home and if he’s early, he waits till exactly six to unlock his door. The neighbors think he’s weird. But now, he’s an hour early and it was already throwing him the fuck off. His hands were gripping the steering wheel differently. Ten and Two. Not three and eleven. Tongue sitting funny in his mouth. Already bad start.

Fuck.

Jared’s burning holes through his windshield as he drove down the rode. His eyes squinting into the setting sun. Another reason why he likes coming home later, he doesn’t have to drive directly into setting sun. His skin is still itchy.

All thoughts of mixed up routines and sun damage to his eyes go out his passenger window when some thing is waving him down. Jared squints at the enthusiastic hand waving at him and at first, he’s fucking annoyed by it. He’s not going to have some bum clean his windows for pennies. But, His jaw gets tight then goes slack and it’s not his brain telling him to stop.

Something pretty with light brown hair and freckles he could see from five miles is fucking... prancing up to his window. Jared’s telling whatever the fuck was in the sky, a blessed and quiet ‘thank you’. He’s numb as he rolls the window down.

“Hey man! Thanks for stopping. My legs are killing me.” The boy chuckles, leaning into the window on folded arms. Jared just stares at him, blank and deer like and it makes the boy chuckles a little too nervously. “You uh- Mind if I get a ride? I’ll be quick. Promise.” The boy’s face falls awfully dramatically, reminds Jared of the shitty soap operas on tv. He’s got the looks for shitty day time tv.

Jared finally realizes they’re supposed to be talking to each other with words and he has to hastily comb through his mental filing lockers to pull up small talk phrases.Suck my cock? You’re pretty? Can I fist you? Oh yes. Of course I can? Yeah, that’ll work. That’s more acceptable right now.

Jared smiles warmly and the boy reciprocates and he’s thanking God again for giving him something so… pretty. What a blessing. What a curse.

“Of course. Don’t want you walking out here alone when it’s getting dark.” Jared says casually, unlocking the passenger door. The boy beams again, all white tic tac teeth and nearly bounds across the hood of his car to the other side.

As soon as he gets into the car, Jared needs to touch him. Brush fingers against his cheek, comb his hair back and finger his mouth. No, instead he quietly watches the teenager settle in; stuffing his too big too worn backpack between his legs.

Now that he’s twelve inches away from him, Jared notices more. Big eyes, the bit sucked hooker lips, the little natural sneer of them. Not a child, not an adult yet. Jared’s favorite. Eighteen? Twenty? Old enough for cigarettes but asking his older friends to buy him beer. He’s starting to fill out his clothing. Baby fat here and muscle there. It’s godly, it belongs in his mouth.

“...What.” The teenager asks, big green eyes staring at him, trying to make eye contact that Jared has been avoiding.

Jared doesn’t miss a beat despite the filth in his head.

“You just look like you’ve had a rough few days.” He says sincerely, brow pinching together and he keeps his eyes lowered. The boy’s expression softens farther than Jared could imagine. Something wholesome, something too sweet for this horrible disgusting world.

Jared swallows the cotton in his mouth and pulls off the curb and back onto the road.

“Yeah. I was in Downtown all day. Looking for work. Had to walk here.” The teenager half smiles. He never takes his gaze off Jared and honestly, it’s making the 6’4 220 pound man feel small and uncomfortable. He tries to not notice.

“Well. Obviously you’re bad at your job or didn’t find anything if you’re with me.” Jared tries to joke, hope the kid takes it as a joke because that’s what he’s meaning. He tries to joke with people at work, and his office mates just give him weird looks. So Jared never knows if it goes through as a joke. But Angels sing when he is rewarded a laugh. Small and breathless but still there.

“Obviously.”

There’s Silence. Jared’s not driving anywhere in particular. The silence is setting his uncomfortable levels higher. It’s not that Jared hated silence, but he felt like silence with another person wasn’t good and that two people need to be talking nonstop for it to be acceptable. Maybe he’s over thinking.

“Do you have a name?” Jared asks, giving a glance to the kid.

“Jensen.” The kid says but not with a lot of confidence for someone that looks like they stepped out of a magazine. Jared only repeats his own name and Jensen smiles.

“You work at a jewelry store?”

Jared pinches his brow together and his lips get tight.

“You know. Like the uh. Like the commercials-Nevermind. You probably get that a lot.”

Jensen awkwardly scratches his arm and Jared doesn’t get it.

“Where am I taking you?” Jared asks and again, Jensen’s face falling is the most tragic and beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on. Dark eyelashes flutter against his freckled cheeks, brow knits together and it’s lucky Jared doesn’t run into the car ahead of him. He feels like he can only look at Jensen when the kid wasn’t noticing. Eye contact has never been an easy thing for Jared. Only with corpses kind of thing. Less awkward that way.

“I uh. I might have a buddy on West Heimer. I dunno if he’s still there and uh- Just some shelter would be okay too.”

A beautiful thing like that in a shelter? Jared wouldn’t dream of it.

“Oh…” Jared hums as he stares at the road in front of him. Taking one hand off the steering wheel, he reaches for Jensen’s leg. He rubs the back of his hand against the kid and something awful ignites in him when Jensen fucking squirms.

“You can stay with me, if you want. No pressure.” Jared offers, trying his hardest to make eye contact. He stares at the side of Jensen’s face instead. He’ll get there eventually.

“ ‘M not like that.” Jensen firmly points out and Jared recoils his hand slightly. He wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. It hurts his feelings. Still, Jared shrugs, attempts to make physical contact with Jensen again but it feels like trying to catch sunlight in a bottle. Right through his fingers.

Jensen is more receptive this time, but the boy looks angry, or is it frustrated? Or both? Something is there behind his green eyes.

“Like what?”

“Easy.”

Oh, Little Boys like Jensen are way too easy.

“I’m not saying that.” Jared responds sweetly, still coyly rubbing the kid’s leg. Jensen’s starting to blush, his knee is anxiously bouncing. “It’s just an offer. I have a guest room. Nice showers. I’m not asking for anything from you.”

They make eye contact. It’s for six exact seconds but Jared dies a little bit over it. Way too much sunlight. Jared turns away first.

“Just for a night.”

“Yeah of course. Whatever you want.”

Jared knows the kid isn’t leaving his home breathing.

 

 


	3. Chapter Three

Jared get’s Jensen on is knees in a matter of two single hours.

This part, Jared’s very good at. Testing limits, making idle talk about Jensen’s personal life, finding something he could use against him. Daddy touch him bad? Or did Daddy leave when he was a kid? Bullies at school? Mom an alcoholic? Mommy doesn’t love him? Mean siblings? Something and anything Jared can use. It didn’t take long to figure it out for him.

Jensen is a touch starved little bitch. A very dangerous thing to be.

All Jared had to do was give Jensen what he wanted so he himself, could get what he needed- soft touches and kind words. It’s a fair trade.

Jensen rested his cheek on Jared’s thigh with his big hand cradling his face. He’s got his thumb gliding over baby fat cheeks, massaging the bone underneath. It makes the boy hum. Jared moves and Jensen perks up like an obedient dog, ready for something. Jared isn’t even hard in his slacks yet and Jensen thinks that’s very strange. He was expecting a face fuck, not… this strange worship stuff. Not that he was complaining, it just seems that Jared is a very strange man packing too much heat he doesn’t know what to do with.

Jared puts both of his hands on Jensen’s face, pinkies supporting his jawline, thumbs brushing over those soft delicate lashes. Jensen leans up slightly, just at the pull of Jared’s hands and it’s the first time Jensen’s struggled. Not yet. Don’t leave me.

Suddenly, Jared fish hooks his thumb into Jensen’s mouth, pulls it open real wide; shows teeth, shows delicate pink flesh of his throat and intact tonsils. This is what finally gets Jared tar blood moving. Jensen makes a surprised “ah!” noise before pulling away. Teeth scrape against Jared’s fingers and his breath quickens all at once.

Jensen wiggles enough to get Jared’s thumb out of his cheek, just enough to ask, “Do you want me to suck your dick or not?” It sounds upset, hurts Jared’s feelings and he only responds one way.

Before Jensen can even close his mouth from the sarcastic comment, Jared is shoving three thick fingers right down the boy’s throat till his knuckles are clanking against his front teeth. Jensen chokes on it immediately, hurling foreword at the fucking fingers petting his throat like a pussy. He’s not afraid to bite those fingers hard and for the first time, Jared gets pink in the face at the pain and his dick is finally hard.

Jensen notices the guy doesn’t get it up until he’s spitting his blood out of his mouth.

Jensen coughs more, the corner of his lips tainted red. He puts two hands on Jared’s thighs to heave himself up and Jared’s brain starts to panic. No no no, stay stay stay. Don’t leave me. The man doesn’t understand why this could be off putting. But Jared’s smart and can easily be charming. He can be a million different things. Besides, Jensen went from “I’m not an easy faggot” to “God I just want to suck your cock, Please” In two hours. Record time.

Jared grabs Jensen’s face, not rough although stern enough to keep the kid in place. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Please stay.” The man is whispering softly and gives a warm sorry smile. It silently kills him to do so but he uses his thumb to gently wipe the last bit of blood away from pretty pouty lips.

Jensen stays still, chin in Jared’s big hand, half hunched over and he’s looking into Jared’s eyes even though the man isn’t reciprocating eye contact. The guy is fucking hot. Stern brow, cheekbones for days and a jawline so sharp, you could cut diamonds with it. The house is nice. It’s better than a night on the streets. There’s fucking air conditioning. And as a whole - Jared seems - Nice. Maybe he just hasn’t fucked in a while. Maybe he is into weird shit.

But he’s fucking weird. Really weird.

Eventually, Jensen cuts his losses. He rolls his eyes and shoulders before knocking Jared’s hand away from his face. “Fine. Don’t fucking- Don’t Be weird about it. Just fuck my face and that’s it.” Jensen’s setting rules and it’s disappointing but Jared nods silently. He watches Jensen back on his knees, brow knitted together like his looking at hard math homework. Those green eyes still look upset and that changes when Jensen pulls his hard dick out. Nice fat cock. Makes Jensen’s mouth water and that makes everything a bit better. “Big boy, huh?” Jensen hums out flirtatiously and Jared only shrugs a shoulder.

With more kitten noises, Jensen opens his mouth and sucks his cock into his mouth. Dark eyelashes flutter and Jared is in love. His thighs spread wider, slumps down the couch more and puts a controlling hand on the back of Jensen’s skull. It fits perfectly in his hand. Meant to be, just for Jared. Jensen’s looks nice like this. Mouth stuffed with cock and Jared can tell, this is Jensen’s happy place. Jared’s happy place is somewhere darker and for a few moments, he lets himself slip into it. Every time his dick slides into the silk and warmth of his throat, Jared pushes his hips, wanting to go deeper than the boy can handle. He wants to feel his cock pushing against the back of his neck. If that’s possible. Is it? Jared will find out later.

Jensen squirms, pinches his face together real tight and coughs, gasping for air, teeth scrape against the sensitive underside of his dick and Jared finally groans. This is the good part, forcing Jensen on his dick while he struggles and watching the kid try to wriggle away.

Jensen’s eyes peel open to look up at Jared and Jesus fucking Christ, He’s crying. Eyes glossy and wet. It makes him want to come right then and there. It’s beautiful, it’s tragic. Like peeling fresh new petals on a flower, still soft, too easy to tear. Jensen’s having a hard time breathing, chest burning and he’s just trying to get some space in his mouth that’s not cock. Jared’s mind slips again. Is it possible to choke someone out like this? To keep his cock in Jensen’s throat where he can’t breathe and let him suffocate around his dick?

“F-Fuck.” Jared moans out, his body getting tight and oh so hotter. Jensen’s squirming, trying to breathe, trying to move away from the too tight hand on his skull. Jared wasn’t letting go and Jensen was starting to freak. He claws at Jared’s thighs, even slaps him. Of Fuck-

Somehow, Jensen manages to squirm enough that Jared’s dick pops out of his throat and the head of it inflates his cheek instead. Thank God. He can breathe better and he doesn’t hesitate to gasp and choke for air. But fuck- He was so hard in his jeans. There’s fat wet tears down his flushed red face. It’s a mess, he’s fucking drooling. It’s beautiful.

“G-Give me a sec. Need to breathe. Fuck. Jesus fuck.”

Jared’s eyes widened and he stops breathing.

Jensen gasps, slurps up his spit with a swipe of his tongue and adjusts himself. “ K-Kay. “M good. Keep goin’ ”

Jared doesn’t move, his brain isn’t working. Is he- Is this kid enjoying this?

This changes everything. Jared’s heart sinks and the thought of just strangling the kid right now crosses his mind. Get to the good shit. Maybe he lets it show too much, too dark on his face because Jensen notices and recoils.

“You okay? You want me to stop?”

“Shut up.”

Jared’s expression is dead. His fantasies ruined. Here he thought he was raping a kid’s mouth, and he’s begging for more. With Jensen still looking confused at the mean bark and change in personality, Jared grabs the back of Jensen’s head and chin, forcing his cock down the boy’s throat once more. Teeth grind against his flesh; He sputters, wet and soggy and Jensen’s choking. But it’s not the same now. Stupid fucking pretty boy slut. He ruined everything.

Despite Jensen choking, moaning and asking for it, Jared somehow still manages to come down his throat. It wasn’t that great of a climax. Short and Fast; Not enough mental stimulation. It’s a chore at this point. He watches Jensen’s overfull mouth, his load seeping out of the corners of his lips and down his chin. Jensen can’t breathe again, slapping Jared’s leg as a warning. The man snorts angrily, puts his heel of his palm on Jensen’s forehead between his eyes and roughly shoves him away. Jensen nearly falls backwards at the force of it, has to catch himself on the glass coffee table behind him. Too bad the boy didn’t fall and hit his head, Jared thinks to himself.

Spit and come waterfall out of Jensen’s mouth and onto his chest. Fucking mess. His heart’s racing, chest burning and head aching. Despite that, He’s got this dopey smile and Jared wants to carve it right off his face. But what’s the point now? The kid would probably like that too.

“God. You weren’t kidding about a skull fuck.”

That’s not what Jared was fucking meaning, but whatever.

“Uugnh” Jensen makes this pathetic noise and his face collapses on Jared’s thigh. He’s still spitting up. “I think I came in my pants.” His voice is fucked rough. He chuckles about it but Jared is looking faraway at his blank tv, fingers at his temples and he has to recalculate his entire next three days. Minute and Minute, limb by limb, slice by slice.

Jensen can’t take his eyes off this strange, big cocked man like he’s God himself. But the longer he looks, the longer Jared is quiet, the more nervous Jensen gets. What did he do wrong? Why was Jared suddenly angry? He think he did a pretty fantastic job at sucking cock. No Praise for it? He would accept a smile at this point. Jared was just raving about his beauty like a depressed poet, now he looks pissed.

“Hey.” Jensen calls, trying to get the man’s attention. He doesn’t look like he’s on this planet anymore. Jensen waits, doesn’t hear a reply and Jared doesn’t even flinch. What the fuck.

“Jared.” He barks louder, using Jared’s thighs to lift himself up. Jensen’s not half way up until Jared’s hand is thick, tight and heavy around his throat. It only takes one hand to wrap around his neck. Jensen stumbles forward, hand landing on Jared’s shoulder and the other grabs at the hand on his neck.

The look he’s given almost makes Jensen shit and cream his pants again, at the same time.

They hold eye contact for an entire minute. Jensen realizes Jared has gold in the center of his iris. It’s pretty. Hot heavy silence between them and Jensen breaks it with a tiny hopeful whisper.

“Y-You…. You gonna fuck me?”

“Gonna fuck you dead.” 


	4. Chapter Four

Jared’s hand squeezes and Jensen chokes then grins.

“O-Oh! Oh my God. Oh Fuck- Please- Please”

“Shut. Up.”

“Fuck. Sorry. Fuck mmph-!”

Jared does a full body eye roll. Rolling his shoulders, flicks his hair out of his face as he stares down at this stupid stupid boy. He hates him. Yet he’s balls deep in his ass with Jensen’s skinny leg over his shoulder. Jensen’s about to fall off the couch. He’s gripping it’s edge as Jared carelessly fucks into him.

He’s liking this too much. It’s turning Jared off. It’s good thing He’s so good looking. But those noises were stopping him from slipping into a darker mind frame, stopping him from fantasizing.

“Ugh! Fuck!”

Jared snarls in frustration and slams his hand over Jensen’s mouth to shut him up. Pushes hard enough that Jensen winces in pain. It doesn’t stop the noises, Jensen can’t stop whining and whimpering. He’s licking at Jared’s palm like a starved animal. Jared is staring far away again, choosing to stare at the leg of an armchair as he rocks into the kid.

He only looks down at Jensen whenever he contemplates about strangling him. But Jared jerks and glances down suddenly when he feels the sharp pain of Jensen’s teeth sinking into his palm. Quickly, he brings his hand away. No blood, so Jared returns the hand over his mouth. The kid makes a cute little “mmph!” and Jared returns his gaze to the chair leg.

Disappointing.

Jared makes a rare noise when he feels his climax building. Eyes slide down to the boy, hand drags down to his neck. Jensen’s eyes flutter open like butterfly wings and look up at him. His mouth is open and red. He looks fucked out and oh- Jensen was. Best fuck he’s had in months. This guy is so big, so scary. Just enough lube to make it work but have it burn. Jensen loves it. His ass is gonna ache for days and he can’t wait for it.

Jared’s expression gets dark and Jensen holds his breath when this giant man leans close. The hadn’t kissed, not once. Not that Jensen was a sap and needed it but it would be nice. He wouldn’t say no. And that’s what was the problem for Jared.

Their noses brush together and Jensen hiccups at the sudden tight squeeze around his throat. It’s cute. It’s wet. It’s not enough. Jared keeps close, his hair falling and Jensen can barely see his face through it. He can still make out that scary intense stare, Jensen can only meet it for a few seconds at a time.

Squeeze for three seconds break for six. Jensen moans.  
Squeeze for six break for three. Jensen’s spitting up a bit.  
Squeeze for nine. Break for two. Jensen starts to squirm.  
Squeeze and hold. Jensen’s convulsing under him and coming all over his belly.

Jared still holds his throat during Jensen’s climax. The kids shaking, his face is a pretty shade of red on the edge of purple. Jensen can’t breathe, the tightness around his neck causing him to come on that alone. It shocks the both of them and Jensen doesn’t know if he’s crying out of fear or pleasure. He slaps at Jared’s arm for warning like previous times but he ignores it. If he times this right, he can come just as Jensen passes out. Jared’s only been able to time it right two other times, but fuck is it hot. Sixty seconds, he’s got about sixty seconds.

Jared pumps his hips harder. It’s too wet for his tastes. Jensen’s head is knocking into the arm too hard and he’s still slapping and clawing his hand for relief. Forty seconds. Jensen gurgles and Jared just watches, emotionless.

Jared only gets to thirty-two before creaming the kid’s ass and he’s angry at Jensen about it. Ruining more shit for him. The fuck was wrong with this kid. Why couldn’t he die faster.

At this point, Jensen’s only twitching under him. He no longer has the strength to fight back, his hand is limp by his head. Jared is panting hot heavy on Jensen’s purple face.

Nothing is going right tonight. Everything had to be perfect for Jared to enjoy it. This wasn’t good enough. Not worth it the risk. He was too anal about shit like this.

Giving up, Jared moves his hand off his neck and grips the arm of the couch instead, right by Jensen’s face. He pulls away and watches; Jensen doesn’t move right away and for a second, Jared thought he really passed out. Interesting.

He’s disappointed once again when Jensen stirs and coughs. Great. Can’t even die right.

Jensen comes to slowly and it takes him a bit to realize what happened. He can only lay there, gasping for air and everything hurts. His ass, his neck, his eyes and head. He looks up to Jared who of course, isn’t even looking at him. And...he looks pissed again. Jensen doesn’t even know what to say now. Jared choked him out and it made him come. He loved it.

“Fuck.” Jensen finally says, wiping sweat out of his eyes. Jared just looks like a frozen statue and his mind looks busy. When Jared drags his gaze down without moving, Jensen jolts, hair standing up like a frightened cat. It’s startling.

“You uh- You want me to leave? I can I mean-”

Jared leans away, brushing his hair behind his ear. “Stay or go. I don’t fucking care.” It doesn’t matter now. It’s ruined and his skin is crawling at the wrongness of it.

Jensen blinks his eyes before sliding off the couch he was already falling off of. He grabs his clothes, his bag and makes for the bathroom to wash up. Running from the scene.

The bathroom door shuts behind Jensen and he leans his back against it. From where he’s standing, He can see his reflection from the sink mirror. He stares at it, mouth a gap. He notices how out of breath he feels, how he’s shaking. And as he gets closer to the mirror, he notices the red forming bruises on his neck. He’s still flushed from head to toe; so red, you could barely make out his freckles.

What even was that.   
What’s his problem?   
That was hot.

Jensen puts his hand on his neck similar to how Jared had it. It’s sore, the forming bruise is much bigger than his hand.

“Fuuuuck.” Jensen groans out and leans over the sink. He stares down at the porcelain, feeling like he’s going to throw up about the excitement of that. Jared was so calm and sweet in the car, then he wants to fuck him dry and choke him out.

When nothing comes out, he hops into the shower.

Jensen puts on clean clothing he had tucked in his bag and wraps a towel around his head. He returns to the living room and Jared is gone. The kid awkwardly stands in the middle of the room, looks around for him. Wasn’t he coming back? Did he leave? No cuddles? Curious, Jensen peeks back down the hall and sees a door shut and a light shining under it in the dark corridor. Guess he doesn’t want to be bothered. Weird but- Whatever. Maybe he’s cleaning up too.

There’s new sheets and blankets on the arm of the couch at least.

 


	5. Chapter Five

Jensen wakes up to the smell of bacon.

Sun was hitting him uncomfortably in the face, he winces as he opens his eyes, rubs them and leans up off the couch. From the couch and Jared’s minimalist open floor plan, Jensen could see Jared in the kitchen cooking from the couch. And… He’s shirtless. Jared didn’t take his shirt off when he fucked him and wow. Golden skin, muscles. Very nice. Jensen appreciates the pretty morning view.

Jared happens to turn a certain way and catches Jensen’s eyes. They look at each other and Jared looks away, of course.

“Good morning. I’m surprised you didn’t kick me out.” Jensen teases, perching his chin on the back of the couch so he could watch that handsome man cook. Jared grunts. “You got till noon to get out.”

“Oh.”

Jared smiles a little at his deflated kitten face.

“You can eat first though. You’re way too skinny.”

Jensen frowns, his feelings hurt. He knew he was skinny. He didn’t eat a lot; being a homeless kid will do that to you. Still, he bounds over to the kitchen, sits on a barstool just as Jared is plating his home style breakfast.

The boy talks too much. Too energetic and too…. Jared doesn’t have a name for it. He just watches Jensen sit there kicking his feet, telling him some story and eating. It’s… It’s fucking annoying is what it is.

Jared doesn’t eat much despite giving himself a massive pile of eggs. He scoops it onto Jensen’s plate without asking and the boy eats it like candy. Then he Sets his plate in the sink before he moves to Jensen who’s still, yeah- talking away. He’s been staring at the purple neck since this morning before Jensen woke up.

As soon as he gets close though, Jensen shuts his trap mid syllable. He looks at his face, wondering what Jared is going to do with him. His own vanilla thoughts running through his brain. Bend him over the counter and fuck him like that again?

Jared grabs Jensen’s face, forces his head up just so he could look at the bruises around his neck like a fancy woman’s pearl necklace. They’re beautiful. Purple and fresh. Dead ones don’t bruise like this. Once they don’t have active blood flowing through them, they just don’t. He’s tried and Jared forgets that this is what alive people do.

Jensen downcasts his eyes, lets Jared look and touch, shivers at his fingertips against the sensitive flesh.

“Still hurts.” Jensen mumbles, small and too intimate.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

Something new rushes through Jared, something he didn’t have a name for either.

Gently, like he doesn’t want to mess up his masterpiece, his hand reaches around Jensen’s throat, mimicking last night. There’s a sick feeling growing in his belly. Pride, possession, a little bit of arousal. It sets Jensen off; makes him tense up, shoulders rising, pouts his lips.

“Still hurts.” Jensen repeats, firmly this time. Jared’s expression is sweet, like in the car. It makes him relax like Jared wants it too.

The man gently pets the back of his two fingers across the bruises instead; up down, like a little kitten and he swears he hears Jensen purring.

“They look nice on you.” Jared compliments, making Jensen snort, blush and roll his eyes. And god fuck they did. Pretty things were even more pretty beaten and bruised up. It wasn’t rocket science.

Jensen watched the man with a curious gleam. Jared was a weird guy. His mannerisms seemed off. No eye contact, a constant worried expression. Unless he’s fucking him into next year. A total puppy in public and daddy freak in the sheets. “What kind of freaky asshole are you?” Jensen’s asks with a playful tone, but he’s quite serious. He watches Jared’s expression fall into nothing and they stare at each other. Jensen’s already shaking.

For a moment, Jensen doesn’t know if his joke registered in Jared’s weird mind. Because Jared doesn’t do anything or say anything. Or maybe it does register somewhat, just delayed for a sly smile that makes Jensen’s toes curl slides on his face.

“Oh. You have no idea.”

 


	6. Chapter Six

Jared knew it was a stupid idea to let that kid leave.

He wasn’t worried about the kid calling the cops on him. That boy came skipping into his house on rainbows and left shitting glitter. But it bothered him. It was still bothering him that his ritualistic killing didn’t work, that he couldn’t even enjoy himself and worse- he let Jensen go.

He still could have killed him. Super easily. Choked him while he was balls deep in his ass, slammed his head hard down on the granite countertops when Jensen was scarfing food in that pretty face. He thought about it but Jared didn’t.

Jared wasn’t the kind to go out and kill just to kill. There was a certain way he had to go about it. It didn’t go right, so he just - Gave up. He hates himself for it and knows that’s how he is.

Now three days later, it was making his skin crawl. Why didn’t it go right. Why couldn’t Jensen cooperate like everyone else had. Lure them in with sweetness and money. Slaughter them that night. Have fun for a day then dispose in the next. That’s his thing.

But Jensen fucking screwed it up.

The wrongness of it was like beetles scurrying under his skin. Sometimes, Jared can see the raised bumps climbing his arms.

He had to try again. Just to finish things. Screw the routines, screw the methodical planning. Just do it, fast and clean blow and maybe he would feel better about it.

Jared doesn’t hunt. He doesn’t need the person to be beautiful or with exact qualities. Doesn’t need them to be male or female. He grabs people with good opportunities. Hell- It was better when they looked nice in the face. But it wasn’t needed.

Now Jared was hunting for that scrawny little asshole. It turned obsessive real damn quick.

Before work, after work. Before work, and after work. And when he got breaks between work, he was still trying to find any traces of that boy. Records, Law trouble, medical documents? But Jensen was a fleeting thing. He got some medical documents when he was a child. A few misdemeanors for underage drinking and theft. Sadly, nothing that could help him find him. He just found little interesting things.

He was a child lost through paper work, a broken system and different families. Bounced around since he was eleven. Would explain the neediness and dire need to please.

And his name was Jensen Ackles - can’t forget that.

It took about a week for Jared to get a scent on him.

And where does he find the little rat? Hanging out at bars. Of course he is. Probably sucking cock and handing his ass all around.

Jared parks his truck, gets out, slams it hard enough to make the entire thing shake and makes a beeline to Jensen. He’s talking to some John, making light touches on the guys hand. Jared doesn’t think twice; he gets close enough to punch the john in the face. Luckily, the man grabs his face and backs off or else it was going to be a double murder.

“The fuck man! The hell is your problem? You-”

Jared grabs Jensen’s throat, ragdolls him, Jensen’s on his tip toes. As soon as that hand is on him, Jensen knows who it is, how could he not? His hand fits perfectly around his throat like a key and lock.

“Jared.” He gasps out softly, fear trickling up his spine. Oh god. Oh god. It’s really him. Jared’s expression softens at his name, surprised Jensen even remembers it.

They share eye contact.

“ K-Kay. Let me go. I get it..” Jensen squeaks out and his heels return to the ground.

Calm down Jared, Fucks sake. You don’t need to force the boy to come with you. Don’t scare him away.

“Y’know, Most people jus’ greet each other with a handshake but I guess-”

“Sorry.” Jared apologizes, a little smile cracking on his lips. He’s struggling to be normal. Searching his brain for socially acceptable behavior and words. But he can’t concentrate. Not with Jensen looking so good, so dirty in neon light. Wants to touch, wants to crush, to steal, to take. Jared’s hands are shaking.

Jensen sighs, combing his hair back and looks up to him.“The fuck you doin’ here? You aren’t a regular here. I am. I’d remember you.” He’s slurring his words.

Oh shit. Jared doesn’t want to let on he’s been stalking this kid for a week. He’s good at acting calm though. He shrugs, about to speak when two people walk past them. They give them weird looks, hushed whispers, it makes Jared feels like the new kid at school and side steps closer to Jensen.

Jensen laughs at it. What a baby. This definitely isn’t his scene. The guy is too awkward for bar crawling. When the couple leaves, Jared finally speaks.

“I just wanted a drink.”

“Mhm…” Jensen hums out, not believing him a single bit. “Oh, You’re thirsty. Just not for liquor.”

A little jolt goes through Jared, hyper focuses on Jensen in a way that makes the kid shake in his converse. To be honest, Jensen couldn’t forget the guy. The weird, really hot guy. He knows he should, there’s red flags but God. Maybe Jensen’s fucked up and he likes fucked up people. He doesn’t know much about Jared, but he can tell he’s fucked up too.

Or it could be the whiskey shots. That too.

Slowly, Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s neck. He doesn’t reciprocate right away, Jensen doesn't’ care.“That was kinda hot how you punched that guy. You want my ass that badly?” Jared shifts on his feet, hands fumbling around Jensen’s waist like a virgin teenager.

There’s too many people walking in and out of the bar, it’s making Jared uncomfortable. Can’t fuck him, definitely can’t strangle him here. Another three men walk by, they throw out slurs. It gets too much and Jared starts to untangle Jensen’s limbs. Jensen sways off balance, and with a grunt, Jared catches him. He’s drunk.

Another perfect opportunity. Hits him like a train right in the face. Perfect.

Jensen uses one hand on the wall to balance, with the help of Jared. He dry hurls a few times, nothing comes but he still wipes his face like he did.  
  
“Sorry- I just.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“Fuck. Okay.”


	7. Chapter Seven

Jared ends up carrying Jensen into his house like a toddler. Not that he minds. He’ll be carried out as well, so it doesn’t matter. He’s got Jensen blubbering in his ear. He makes the cutest “Oopmh!” When Jared drops him on the bed. Jensen lays there on his back, arms over his head and he watches Jared. Jared isn’t looking at him, he seems busy to take his jacket off then rustling in the nightstand.

“C’mere! God.” Jensen chuckles, rubbing his eye with a fist. Jared doesn’t, he’s getting final things ready. Quick and clean. No satisfying even numbers, no ritualistic shit. It’s making his skin crawl about it. He makes the mistake of getting too close to Jensen. The kid reaches for him; ends up grabbing the hair around his neck and yanks him down. Jared snarls at him then he’s fucking kissing him. Slobbering all over his mouth.

Jared pauses, just for a moment. He lets Jensen tongue fuck him, eyes flutter shut just as Jensen moans into his mouth. “C’mere.” Jensen’s whining and he hates how easy he complies. Jared puts both hands on the bed, leaning over Jensen. It’s messy make out that reminds Jared of a time in high school. Jensen groans as he humps against Jared’s thigh. He keeps grabbing at the man, needy like a teen girl with daddy issues. He’s grabbing the back of Jared’s shirt, trying to tug it off.

It’s actually getting Jared excited and hard. Which is not normal for him.

Jared pulls away by grabbing Jensen’s throat and forcing the boy away. He looks over Jensen’s panting face, how his mouth is still open and wet. Jensen looks- Sad. Jared didn’t think he did anything to make the kid on the verge of tears like that but maybe he had.

The way Jensen is rubbing at the hand on his throat, makes Jared’s mouth fall open and it’s Jensen’s turn to look far away with glossy eyes. He’s staring somewhere behind Jared’s shoulder.

He looks dead already.

Jared chokes a little, covers it up as a cough. Jensen doesn’t even notice. He leans close and Jensen doesn’t respond till he squeezes his throat. Tiny baby noises. No squirming. Something’s wrong, something off. Is it the liquor? Bad day? Jensen doesn’t look scared. He just looks- done and tired. Acceptance. Jared doesn’t know what it is, but he’s loving it.

New fantasies are plaguing and infecting Jared’s mind. He gets lost in them.

Jensen sniffs snot back into his nose, meets Jared’s stare “You gon’ fuck me or nah?”

Jared leans down, kisses the boy again as he uses one hand to get his own pants down.

Jensen gets his pants and underwear hooked on one of his ankles before wiping at his wet eyes. He doesn’t ask for lube this time, doesn’t really say anything as he watches Jared spit slick his dick. Only the tiniest of noises when Jared hooks a thumb into his ass, pulls it open to admire his insides for a moment. He can feel Jensen shake and tremble under him as he sticks his cock up in it. Jensen’s hissing in his ear with each thrust. He knows it’s hurting the kid. But it’s fucking turning him on.

Jensen knows he’s pathetic like this, crying and snotting all over Jared’s neck and shoulder, nuzzling his wet cheek against Jared’s beard. His whole bottom half aches but it’s fine, it’s fine it’s fine. He doesn’t know how much this is getting Jared going. A rough almost dry fuck and a pretty little thing clinging to him and making sobs at his ear.

Jared has no clue what happened to Jensen tonight, but he’s not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

He has to peel the kid off him with a hand around his neck. Jared holds Jensen down by the throat and Jensen’s hands come up to meet it, only to rub and stroke at it. Strange, interesting and an intimacy.

Maybe it’s the liquor, but Jared only has to squeeze once before Jensen is creaming his belly. He shakes hard, hips rising off the bed as he fucks the air. It’s driving Jared wild. This whole boy is. It’s stupid, it’s addicting. Jared plays with corpses. He doesn’t play with people but all the fucking sudden, he just want to play and play and play with Jensen like this forever.

Jared keeps his hand around Jensen’s throat. Pushing so hard, his adam’s apple is sticking out over his thumb. With choking Jensen like this and fucking him raw, Jared’s rethinking everything. Again. But it’s not about ruined fantasies, it’s about budding new ones as he watches this boy get fucked within an inch of his life and he’s hardly responding.

Oh.

Jared squeezes Jensen as tight as he can as he drops his load up his ass, snarling and staring. Jensen’s back arches, tips his head back with a gaping mouth and nothing comes in or out, just fish flopping on the bed quietly. It’s beautiful how Jensen flutters his eyes shut. He responds more to this than his orgasm. Fucking breathtaking.

He lets go at just the right time so it takes Jensen a few moments to catch his breath. He lurches forward and sideways, curling away from the man as air rushes his lungs. It burns harder than a first drag of a joint. Jared frowns as his dick pops out of his ass.

There is an eerie silence, just them both gasping and Jared can hear Jensen swallowing through his cries.

“Why did you stop.”

Jared’s brow knits and he puts a hand on the bed so he can lean over Jensen, he dwarfs him too easily. “Stop What?” It’s something Jared has never been asked.

It’s quiet, but Jensen responds quickly. “Why did you stop choking me.” Jared’s hazel eyes widened dramatically. Shit. He doesn’t even know how to process this information. Jensen likes to hurt- when he’s in the mood like this of course. He wants sweet when sober and wants to die when he drinks. Did something trigger this tonight? Something that led to the drinking that dominoed to this behavior?

That’s fucking fascinating.   
He could use that.

Jared’s never in his life had someone ask him for more. It was always the fantasy about taking and raping and stealing. He never once thought about well- maybe someone wanted this treatment. Had thoughts of being strangled sitting under their skin, ready for Jared to scrape to the surface with his fingernail. Never crossed his mind in his thirty-one years on this shit rock of a planet. Always the ‘no no no please stop’ never once ‘please strangle me’

Then God drops him something like Jensen. Something new and delicate. Right in his lap.

Oh good fucking lord.

Jared strokes a single finger across Jensen’s cheek. The kid shoots him death glares that go right to Jared’s spent dick. He’s got to plan this out super carefully though. It’s still ice thin about this new revelation. Doesn’t want to ruin it. Jared will have to relearn how to work Jensen. He played him like a flute, now he’s gotta play him like a harp.

“Ah.” Jared roughly grabs Jensen’s neck once more, returns him on his back. Jensen moves like something dead, but not dead. Oh.

“We’ll keep going then.” Jared says way too quickly before choking the kid again. The noise he makes is incredible, Jared’s in love.

 Jared felt like God himself. Choking Jensen to the brink of consciousness, then slapping him awake. Dead and alive. Repeat. He only let Jensen have a few moments to recover before repeating.

“You’re fucking beautiful.” Jared whispers against Jensen’s ear. He’s not sure if the kid can hear him. He’s lavender purple and his eyes are red. Jared thinks about his eyes popping out of his skull. There’s drool spilling out of him and tears flowing down his face. The man peppers kisses against the tears, licks them up with the flat of his tongue. Jensen makes a noise similar to Jared’s name and his grip loosens just enough for Jensen to take a full chest of air.

Jared was losing himself.

But eventually, He let Jensen wiggle away from him. He watched wild eyed at the kid as he rolled on his side, grabbing his own neck like his neck was cold without Jared’s hands. Probably was. Feeling like a starved man, Jared yanks Jensen’s hands away, fits his own back around his throat. It feels like there’s indents where his fingers sat, molded just for him.

When Jensen weakly looks up at at this crazy mother fucker and his wild bright eyes, he shakes his head. He can only tap Jared’s hands at this point; too tired, too worn out. His brain feels swollen.

“C-Can’t. No More.”

Jared’s heart sinks. The hands don’t move, Jensen rolls his eyes. Too defeated to do anything about it. “Let me go. Said that was enough.”

And Jared does. Just slowly; lets his nails scratch against Jensen’s ruined skin. He watches carefully how the boy leans up, his head chicken necking almost. Jared is right there to bite kisses into his cheek and jaw. Their time was coming to the end and Jared didn’t want him to leave, didn’t want to stop. He’ll be alone alone alone. Will Jensen come back? We’ll he have to go find him again? Too much trouble. Wanted Jensen here forever.

That little pin prick spider crawl up his spine starts. That one he knows too well. He knows how to make it so Jensen never leaves.

Between the booze and whatever those choking games were, Jensen couldn’t sit up anymore. He flops on the bed hard, makes a groan and uses his arm to hide his face. Jared’s on him instantly; kissing, lapping at him with his tongue, crowding his space.

“Shit, man. Didn’t you have enough?” Jensen slurs out, finding a hand between himself and Jared to shove his face away.

“No.” It comes out before Jared can stop it. Rushed and loud; it feels like thunder in Jensen’s chest. They both don’t know what to say after that. Jared doesn’t stop and Jensen doesn’t try to fight. Jensen’s vision starts to get blurry for the fifteen time that night. He can feel Jared’s teeth on his ear and neck, hands reaching between his ass again. Jared doesn’t know when Jensen passed out, but he’s already shoving his dick back inside.

He manipulates Jensen’s legs. Wide and one over his shoulder, fucks his abused red hole till he fills him up. Doesn’t take too long when it’s like this. Jensen doesn’t fight it, he can’t. Jared watches how his body ragdolls. Fucking Beautiful. This boy was pretty awake and unconscious. Jensen won’t know, not that he cares if he knows but he won’t know. It makes it better.

 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for self harm mentions and discussion

Despite everything, Jensen kept coming back. He’d knock on Jared’s door randomly, sometimes Jared will see him out on the street and take him home. Each time he was promised a hot shower, good food and a fuck that nearly kills him. Jensen thinks figuratively, Jared knows Literally. Every time Jensen would finally fall asleep, Jared would lay next to the boy and just watch him sleep. Watches how his mouth parts open, how his eyes roll around under his eyelids. He’d trace his features with a tip of a finger.

Jared has never seen something as beautiful as Jensen Ackles.

Still, Each time they’re together, Jared thinks about slicing him from navel to neck. That never went away. But then Jensen wakes up, bats his eyes at him and Jared feels like he’s a teenager again and this was his first crush. Jensen smiles at him, makes a sarcastic joke Jared doesn’t get. They have breakfast together, Jensen kisses him on his cheek and tells him “See ya later.”

It’s the most domestic thing Jared’s ever had in his thirty-one years of life.

  
  
“Why do you do that?”

Jared asks softly. They’re laying in his bed naked; Jensen’s got his leg thrown over Jared’s hip, they’re sharing a pillow. It’s one of their quiet intimate moments that Jensen is somehow pulling out of Jared. When Jared doesn’t fuck him till he blacks out, they just lay there and talk. Jensen actually likes it even though he’s not a sappy guy.

Jared has Jensen’s arm out, reaching for the ceiling and he thumbs the fresh slices on his wrist.

It makes the kid slightly uncomfortable, but lets Jared touch them. This isn’t the first time Jared has, it’s just the first time he asked about them. With a sigh, Jensen shrugs his shoulder, flexing his fingers.

“I dunno. Feels good. I’ve been doing it for so long it’s just habit now.” Jensen sees how Jared’s eyes light up.

“Feels good?”

“Mhm.”

Jensen’s using his free hand to stroke Jared’s beard, his arm still hanging in the air. He sees something dark pass Jared’s eyes. Can’t tell it it’s something sad or something weird. Jared said and thought a lot of weird things. But, he was also a very sad, lonely man. It only took a little while to realize that.

His hand slides down Jensen’s forearm, lets his arm flop back to his side before looking at the boy. It’s been months, but Jared still rarely makes eye contact. But he’s comfortable looking at Jensen’s mouth and that’s good enough for the both of them.

“I did too. When I was a lot younger.”

“What like, forty years ago?” Jensen snorts, still petting the man’s beard.

“I’m not that old.” Jared responds, pinching his brow and Jensen rolls his eyes like that, makes Jared understand and go “Oh.”

“But yeah. No. When I was in junior high.” Jared starts and Jensen has to chuckle over the fact he’s calling it junior high and not middle school. The dude is fucking old. Still, he listens, marveling over his handsome face. Jared didn’t look him in the eyes, so it was less awkward to just stare and stare at his good looks. The strange man never seemed to notice anyway.

“I was climbing over a fence and I cut myself. Didn’t hurt or anything, but bled enough to go down my arm. And I just remember staring at it, for a long time and-” Maybe he’s talking too much. He doesn’t want Jensen to think he’s fucking weird or anything. What they had was special and he didn’t want Jensen up and running away. He’d really kill him if he tried.

“Yeah. I’m listening.”

So Jared goes on.

“Didn’t wipe it off till I got home. Got my dad’s razor and did it again. By the fourth or fifth time, it started- it started feeling good. I don’t know.” Jared rushes the last bit out, kind of hopes Jensen doesn’t hear it. He must, because Jensen is gently grabbing his arm, turning it over and searching. Jared holds his breath.

Jensen finds the old scars. Just little silvery white things now. Barely noticeable, only able to be seen by someone that does it too. They were nothing like the raised red itchy shit he had on his own arms. “I see ‘em. They’re old.” Jensen whispers and Jared makes a grunt.

“I’m kinda the same way I guess. I first did it because it’s what the older kids did when they couldn’t deal with traumatic shit. Made them forget their mental pain or some emo shit like that. It worked for a while. Now I just- Just do it when I’m bored. It’s like a challenge to see how much blood I can get, knowing if I do it too much or too deep... I’ll… youknow- it’s a game.”

When Jensen looks up from Jared’s arm, he is shocked to see that the man is staring wide eyed at him like that. It kind of freaks him out.

“That’s not weird though, right? I’m sorry. That is weird.” Shit, Now Jensen thinks he’s being weird and saying too much. While Jared is ready to fall on one knee and propose. He was the same way as a child. Did it for exactly that reason. It was a game. See how far he could go without killing himself. Jensen did it too, Jensen was like him. It make Jared feel a lot less alone. Although the thought of Jensen slicing himself up was making his dick jump against his belly.

“No! No. I uh-” Jared barks out, but forces his voice calmer. They share looks, the man trying to find the right thing that wasn’t too creepy. “I get it.” Jared finally says. The sweet, shy smile he’s rewarded makes something with sharp thorns bloom in Jared’s dead heart.

 


	9. Chapter Nine

Jared was probably one of the most curious interesting things Jensen as ever encountered. And he’s seen and been with a whole lot of different people. Jared has to shop at the same time, and roughly get the same things. He showers every night at eight. Hell- He rushed one of their fucks just because he knew he needed to be showered at that time. Jensen just laughed it off.

His favorite color is blue. Like this really greeny-blue. Jared compares it to clear summer lake water when the sun hits it. He’s a fucking poet when he wants to be. The guy likes sports, bit of a lowkey beer snob. When they were alone, Jared’s personality blossomed. He laughed, joked, talked about how his life was growing up. Get him in a good mood and he’s the silliest thing on long legs. But as soon as he was dropped into social situations, Jensen could see how he stumbled and tripped over himself. It was cute. Really cute. Half the time when they were out together, it was Jensen grabbing Jared’s hand and guiding him through social settings.

When he kept to his routines; going to the same store and the same coffee place, seeing the same people, He was fine. It was the new things that made Jared anxious as hell. Things he couldn’t plan.

“You’re so awkward in public, Jared. How in the hell do you win cases?”

Jensen asks him when they’re out to dinner. Some fancy shit place that Jensen felt awkward wearing his torn jeans. Jared loved the steaks here, wanted them raw. It’s so fancy here, probably the most expensive meal he’s ever had. Jared likes to spoil him and Jensen can’t ever say no. Every time he was with Jared, whether it be in the bedroom having wild sex or moments like this, it felt like a dream. He’s still expecting the clock to hit midnight and he’ll be stuck in a pumpkin patch alone.

Jared looks puzzled for a minute, like he has to calculate what he has to say before saying it. And Jared has to. It was like his brain was delayed by six exact seconds from everyone elses. Even to this day, he gets by on rehearsed phrases and scripts. It was something he had to learn as a child to fit in. That’s all Jared has really wanted anyway.

“Being a lawyer; it’s different.” He begins and sets down his knife. It’s uncouth do to in place like this; but Jensen puts his chin in his hands, knowing Jared is going to lecture but that’s just fine. He can openly stare at the handsome suited man before him. Or his hands, Jared has fine hands as well.

“When evidence is thrown at you on the table. You sit there for hours, picking it apart, smashing it together to make a new story. One that works for your purpose and one that’ll get your client off the hook with the least amount of damage.”

Jensen is watching how Jared is fingering his wine glass’ neck like a delicate virgin’s pussy.

“It’s a challenge. But it’s a lie, all of it. And you spend more hours rehearsing your lie. Over and over. Make it sound good. Then… You just get in court. Say your lines and you’re finished. That’s it. It’s a role kind of. You mold yourself to however you know the judge and jury would like the most.”

There’s hot and heavy eye contact that feels filthier than the sex they have as Jared finally takes the glass’s neck and sips from it. Jared’s eyes are almost glowing gold like a lions’, something is burning in Jensen’s chest. It’s going to engulf him one of these days. A match and a pool gasoline.

“What if you know your client is guilty?” Jensen asks, suddenly more curious about the whole thing. A waiter hustles by, Jared waves them off. A birthday party is chanting celebrations in the corner. Yet, Jensen can’t take his eyes off Jared. “Like- what if they did really fucked up shit. Raped kids, killed people. And you know they did, and yet you have to make them look like the pope’s favorite nun. Doesn’t it bother you, that they’re in the wrong?”

Jared is quiet. He’s staring down into his red wine, swirling it around. That familiar dark cloud comes over his eyes and Jensen tilts his head to the side.

“It’s the same format. Doesn’t matter if they did it or not. You’re being paid to make them look good.”

Jared is dragging his tongue against the red tinted rim of the glass and Jensen’s jaw gets tight.

“And in the end, I think ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ is very subjective, Jensen.”

 


	10. Chapter Ten

Jensen’s making that perfect gurgling noise. Wet, sloppy. Like he’s trying to breathe, but he’s just choking on his own spit. One hand on Jensen’s throat, Jared’s other was in his hair, keeping him down. He watches with cold eyes and Jensen arches off the bed. His dick gives a weak jumps despite just creaming the kid’s swollen ass a moment ago. The lion watches, stone cold.

He knows Jensen’s limits by now. Where to hold, how to squeeze and how long. Jensen starts fading at seventy-three seconds. Then, Jared lets go. If he can remember.

Sometimes he gets too caught up, dark thoughts about actually killing Jensen plague him. It never goes away, still there in the back of his skull somewhere. Jared learned he could do pretty much everything he could to Jensen’s body as he could a corpse. Well- Maybe not everything.

Three timed slaps on his hand, Jared jolts a bit and quickly lets go. He lost himself and Jensen’s a deep purple, corner of his eyes red. It’s amazing sight.

While Jensen breathes new needed air, Jared moves quick. He reaches into his nightstand and easily finds one of his many knives stashed around the house.

“Fuck. That was a good one.” Jensen rolls his head to Jared as he whines. He moves as Jared shifts his weight on the bed, not concerned with what he was doing. “You-” The kid stops suddenly and Jared can tell he almost shits himself when he feels cold and sharp against his neck. There’s a new look in Jared’s eyes that Jensen’s never seen before.

Jared’s going to do it, he wants to do it. His knife sits oh so perfectly against Jensen’s turned face, right snug under his jaw. He watches Jensen’s adam’s apple bob in his throat but he stays perfectly still. Honestly, Jensen is quiet and still because right now, he doesn’t know this new Jared and he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s going to do with that knife on him. He knows how to be around wild choking sex Jared, along with dumb puppy that stumbles to ask for a receipt at the store. This was different, new thrill, new fear. Jensen’s conflicted.

“Jared.” He calls to him. Jared is looking right at him, square in the eye but fuck- He’s not here. Jensen takes a slow inhale as it presses tighter against his skin, his shoulders rising.

Fuck. Jared wants to do it. Just slice his throat. Right here. Pretty fresh blood everywhere, smear it all over Jensen’s gorgeous face. Watch his surprised expression. But then- Jensen will be gone and he’s not ready to have Jensen like that. At least not right now.

Maybe this is a new game, Jensen thinks. Maybe he should roll with it. The fear is getting him hard again anyway. He forces himself to breathe and relax, carefully reaching up to attempt to fingertip stroke Jared’s hand that’s holding the weapon. The man flinches and Jensen grins. Okay- it’s a fucking game now. Jared’s not serious, right?

“What’re you going to do with that, big boy, huh?” Jensen sneers, curling his lips up despite his nervous sweating. Just a game. This is just a game. Jared likes hard stuff, Jensen could get into this. The look Jared is giving makes him weak. Oh how beautiful Jared was when he was like this.

Jared’s mouth is dry. He licks his lips and blinks his eyes before finally focusing on Jensen below him. He can’t tell if Jensen is joking with him, or seriously asking him what he wanted. This was new territory for the both of them.

Jared shifts and the knife drags against Jensen’s throat, making him wince and seize up. Doesn’t cut, not yet. Jared’s wishes it did.

“I… I wanna slice your throat.” Jared whispers, his words slurring. Jensen moves an inch and he uses his free hand to grab his dirty blonde hair, keeping him there. The kid swears under his breath. Jared doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know if Jensen will let him, or try and run away. Either way, Jared’s cutting him. But curiosity is running just as wild as his vile thoughts, so he pauses.

Jensen furrows his brow together, his mouth open and panting. Was he serious? Really serious about this? He can’t be. No way! He manages to crack a smile.

“Do it.”

It’s a challenge. And Fuck, Jared was very serious because not a second later, the knife tears his skin like the red sea. No hesitation anymore, easier than warmed butter. Jared shivers.

Jensen makes a beautiful hurt noise and instinctually pulls away, intense fear making his whole body shake. He doesn’t know how deep the thing went, but he can feel the slow pour down his neck. Jared is still holding his hair hard, but Jensen manages to push the knife away just to feel his throat. Fingers shake, Jared is wrestling his hands away, wanting to touch the wound first and Jensen thinks; I’m going to die. It hurt it hurts. Fuck it feels good.

They wrestle on the bed, Jensen wanting to get up and Jared terrified he’s going to run away. So the man holds, pushes and grabs in an attempt to make Jensen still. Tears are forming in Jensen’s eyes.

“Jay. Jay the fuck did you do.” Jensen blurts out, not even able to properly say Jared’s name at this point. The man grabs Jensen’s chin, yanks his head back and for the first time in a long time, Jensen’s struggling to get away.

“Lemme see. Lemme see lemme see. Let me see.” Jared hisses, turned on that Jensen is struggling. It’s been a while since Jensen has. That strange power balance that Jared craves is back. Not wanting Jensen to leave, but oh, Jay loves the struggle. Still, he knows if he goes too far, Jensen will tap out. It’s happened.

Okay. It’s fine. Play Jensen differently. When he freaks, play nice.

Jared leans down, kisses his cheek and sucks on his ear. “S’okay, Jensen. I got you. It’s fine. Just shh. I got you. L-Lemme see, beautiful.” His voice is hushed, but rushed and overly excited.

It works. Jensen calms somewhat, just enough for Jared to lean off him and look at his wound. Tears fall down Jensen’s cheeks like diamonds and it’s got his dick is jumping against his thigh. “Not bad, is it?” Jensen asks feverishly, and Jared can only shake his head with a slack mouth. Oh. It’s so fucking good.

It’s not super deep, just enough to bleed down the side of his throat. Jared knows it’s nothing serious. Still, it’s enough of a skin flap to finger it. And Christ- how Jensen squirms when Jared pets his insides, making new blood bubble under his fingernail. Warm and soft, shoves his whole thumb inside, splitting the wound wider.

“F-Fuck. What are you- It burns.” Jensen huffs out, face a new shade of blushing red and he keeps trying to feel the cut, but Jared slaps his hand away. This is his right now. Jensen needs to shut the fuck up and play dead right now. His mind is slipping fast.

“You’re a freak. It hurts. Oh my God.” Jensen laughs out, a little hysterical and lets Jared feel and finger the cut. It hurts, fuck it hurts. But it’s got that underlying pleasure whenever Jared pauses.

“Shut up. Shut up shut up.” Jared barks out meanly. Jensen didn’t know his voice could go that low. He’s a good boy, He’ll shut up and let Jared get off on this.

Rubies are sliding down his skin and without second thought, Jared leans down, catching it with his tongue, kisses Jensen’s cheek after and leaves a mess there. Eats it up like strawberry jelly on Saturday morning. Jensen can only moan and squirm, finding his cock and jerking himself off. This feels good, but he’s kind of glad the knife fell on the floor somewhere. Jared is fucking crazy right now, looks hungry like a predator.

“You’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful, Jensen. So good to me. Thank you. I just. I can’t- Fuck- I.” Jared babbles against his ear, still making a mess of the wound, spreading the blood, highly aware each time Jensen jerks and twitches at the pain, makes amazing cries. “Let me just- Hold on. Almost done. Just-”

He knows he’s disgusting and doesn’t want Jensen judging him. But oh God. He’s been wanting to do this for months. Just a little longer. Jared gets up to peek down at his hand. He doesn’t play with the cut, he chokes Jensen instead, thumb right under the wound and it weeps and dribbles over his finger. Red crystals, the most valuable.

Jensen comes on command, making that choked noise Jared has dreams about and shakes. He holds Jensen’s neck through his orgasm, lets go when Jensen gets limp. The kid sucks in air like normal and he’s fine. The usual routine.

Jared has to pull away. He has to, he knows he won’t be able to stop, doesn’t want to get too carried away. The man’s shaking too bad as he gets off the bed all together, his hand bloody, eyes crazy. As he leaves, Jensen looks offended as he can finally touch his own wound. His fingers come back red and he looks up to Jared to see him sucking his thumb while jerking his dick dry and raw.

Fuck.

There’s pain, there’s a hunger and maybe even fear in Jared’s eyes and Jensen doesn’t get it. What is his problem? What a fucking freak. He chuckles despite everything, leaning up on his elbows. Jensen isn’t mean, he’ll let Jared finish uninterrupted; milking his cock till it drips on the floor. He’s actually surprised Jared has any come in his balls left for another one.

Jared is full of surprises, isn’t he?

Jared tilts his head back, wiping his bangs out of his eyes and stares at the ceiling. This is it. He showed how much of a freak he was. Jensen’s going to leave him. He’s going to have to kill him now. Fuck. Shit. His fault. This is it. And they were having so much fun. Going to have to burn him. Burn him and spread the ashes in the lake.

“You better have something to fix this with. Like. Bandages and shit.” Jensen snorts. Even he himself can’t stop touching the cut. It’s a dark thrill that reminds him of the cuts on his wrist. Just deeper, more blood. More pain. But mostly; Jared did it to him, This wild sexy man. Jared slowly looks at the kid, who is fucking grinning back at him.

Of course, he likes it.

What was disappointment previously was a new rush now.

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It’s in the bathroom. A kit. Under the sink.” 


	11. Chapter Eleven

They’re sitting in Jared’s truck while the rain just pours down on the windshield. Blurred lights in front of them, Jensen’s been following a rain drop trail for a while now. The radio is turned down low, muffled by the sound of the rain. It’s a cloudy cold night and Jared offered Jensen some greasy fast food after work that’s going to clog their arteries.

The downpour came out of no where and Jared decided to pull up in a quiet parking lot. But it’s fucking Texas. It’ll go away in a little bit like it always does. Besides, Jensen doesn’t want his food getting cold.

It’s moments like this where Jared finds a strange form of peace. A break from his anxious, calculating mind. This is the time he can just chat with Jensen, Eat and relax. They don’t need to talk to each other, but it’s okay if they do. Jared likes the freedom and doesn’t feel pressured to talk.

Jensen sucks his teeth, wipes ketchup off his mouth. “You ever think about dying?” He asks randomly, still watching the raindrop trail. It forks and goes south.

Jared pinches his brow at the question, decides to swallow before answering for it gives his brain a moment to register Jensen’s words.

“Yeah.”

Jensen glances to him very quickly, then back to the window. The wrapper around his burger crinkles, and he takes another bite. The kid wasn’t scared to talk about these deep things with Jared anymore. When they weren’t fucking, they’d sit and talk for hours. About everything, about nothing. Maybe Jensen found some peace in this too, perhaps it calmed his own anxious broken mind just as much.

“Like… What happens when we die? Or… as we’re dying. I mean.” Jensen continues, food puffing his cheek out.

“Yeah.” Jared agrees more, not sure what Jensen wants to hear.  
He could go on and on about the little details of how someone dies. Jared knows each one by heart. The colors, the smells and textures. He just doesn’t know if Jensen means a literal explanation, or one that concerns a God Jared doesn’t believe in.

Jensen pinches his face up like he does when he doesn’t want to cry. If Jared had a working heart, it would be breaking. All he sees is something so beautiful he wants to trap in in a jar and set it in his office.

“I don’t know. I think about it a lot. It’s not healthy but- ”

“Is it your own death, someone’s death, or just death in general?” Jared asks curiously and Jensen’s eyes get tragically big and wet.

“All three?” He laughs a little awkwardly and shifts in his seat. Jared makes a hum, looks out the windshield. How should he play this, he has to think about it for a while. Jensen was a troubled young man, Jared loved it. It seemed each time they were together, he was able to see a glimpse of something darker in Jensen. In a way, it made Jared feel less alone.

Jensen leans back in his seat, picks a sour pickle off his burger and tosses it into the sack between his feet. “I used to think more about it when I was younger. You know? I didn’t grow up easy like you. Dad left, Mom didn’t know how to raise kids by herself. Thought it was better for me to be with someone that did.” He pauses to eat while Jared is side eyeing him, watching his every move. “I lived with this one guy for a while. He was horrible to me.” Jensen pauses again and Jared can see the memories float back in his eyes like an old movie reel.

Jared can’t feel compassion, he wasn’t born with that. But he knows social cues and he’s learned how he should feel and act. So he puts a comforting hand on Jensen’s thigh. Rubs and squeezes it. He knows he did good when Jensen’s bottom lip trembles as he smiles.

“I used to think about hurting him, in so many different ways. All the damn time, almost every night even.”

Jared’s jaw gets tight, liking where this was going.

Jensen shifts again, tries to find that raindrop trail he was watching before. “I never did of course. The worst I did was punch him in the face a few times. It felt good. But that’s it.”

“What did you really want to do to him?” Jared has to ask, he has to. Just for his own disgusting pleasure. Put it in his spank bank for later. Jensen laughs and shakes his head. “Oh Man. You don’t wanna know.”

Jared’s hand squeezes tighter and he gets that look, the one where Jensen doesn’t know if he should fall to his knees or run. “Oh. I really do.” He whispers and Jensen swallows hard. It takes him a quiet moment, Jared assumes it’s fear of judgement but eventually, Jensen spills his own baby fantasies. Jared hikes his leg up to hide the boner he knows he’s going to get from this.

“I wanted to smash his head into the wall or the sink. Every time he looked at me funny. Stab him. Cut his dick off and shove it up his ass or something. Stupid shit like that.”

Jensen didn’t say, but it sounds like the man hurt Jensen real bad. Touched him bad at night. Would explain why he wanted to cut his cock off, would explain why he was needy for painful sex. Jared sees it all the time in his work.

Still, Jared’s mouth is dry as he watches Jensen. “Well, that’s creative.” He chuckles a bit about it, still comforting Jensen by rubbing his leg. Jensen looks shocked at his reaction. The fucker didn’t even blink.

“Seriously? That’s all you have to say?” He challenges while feeling over Jared’s hand on his thigh. Those light little kitten touches that Jared thinks are cute. “Aren’t you going to say that’s fucked up? Plenty of people would think that.”

Jared pulls a sturgeon face and shrugs, trying to be casual about it in an attempt to not scare Jensen away. “I’ve thought of worse things.” He slips out, his brow furrowing. The shit Jared has done and thought about; he could write a novel longer than Harry Potter about it.

Jensen blinks at him like Jared told him the secrets of the universe. “Really?” Baby noises come from Jensen and Jared only hums and nods sweetly. He’s dragging the kid in his spider web and Jensen doesn’t even know. He strokes Jensen up higher, the kid squirms in response.

“All the time.” Jared smiles, watching how Jensen bites his lip.

Jensen doesn’t even know what to say at this revelation. Was Jared as fucked up as he was? Sure, the man liked hard sex and got off on blood but maybe they had more in common than he thought. His chest is aching for some reason; maybe it’s how Jared is looking at him so lovingly, maybe he’s realizing he’s not as alone as he thinks. He’s told Jared so many things and he’s never judged him for it.

Jared’s hand removes itself from his thigh to wiggle a finger under Jensen’s chin instead. He never had to train Jensen, the boy naturally tips his head back so Jared could see the bruises and the bandages decorating his throat. Jared marvels at the sight in the dim light.

He thanks the universe for giving him something so perfect, so moldable and easy.

Jared pets Jensen’s chin like he’s a kitten and gets a fucking purr out of it. It makes Jared smirk. Jensen is only blinking at him, mouth parted like he wants to say something. Of course, Jared doesn’t notice. It’s hit and miss for Jared on social cues.

Jared has his thumb over his thumb bruise when Jensen quietly asks; “Like what?” He notices how fast and hot Jared’s eyes seem to glow, making direct eye contact that has Jensen nearly peeing his pants.

How much should he tell? What’s too much and what would be just enough to keep Jensen curious? He can feel Jensen swallowing under his throat and his burger carelessly falls in the trash between his feet.

Jared tilts his head to the side, still massaging Jensen’s sore throat. “You won’t tell?” He asks, honestly not worried whether Jensen does or not. He just loves the excited reaction he gets. It’s reminiscent of Middle schoolers telling pinky promising secrets. It’s fucking adorable.

“No. Of course not.”

Jared makes a chuckling noise from his chest. He’s already wrapping Jensen up in webbing to devour for later.

“Sometimes,” He begins, voice quiet and Jensen’s on the edge of his seat, ready to take anything Jared gives him. “I think about slitting someone’s throat while I fuck them. Squeeze out all of the blood and choke it out of them just as they’re coming. Watch them die just as they’re finished.”

It’s not a thought, it’s something Jared has done many times. For Jensen’s sake, it’s just a thought.

He’s still got his hand on Jensen’s neck and fuck- He is just imagining the scenario in his head. Jared’s hand choking him, dying right as he comes. It’s probably better than the high he gets when they do play their choking games. Shit. Jared gives a light curious squeeze and Jensen convulses and gasps like Jared had actually choked him hard.

That was good, but Jensen’s expression is fucking better. It’s new dumb founded realization, Like a little boy discovering mommy’s weird boy magazines make him harder than daddy’s playboy.

Jared’s tempted to say, there is a knife in the glove box we can try it right now if you want.

What he gets instead is; Jensen gently moving Jared’s hand away, shutting his legs tight and sipping on his coke. Jared lets him recoil, he knows Jensen is probably grappling with thoughts of “why am I like this” and “Why is that making me hard.”

Jared chuckles again, strokes the back of his fingers against Jensen’s flushed cheek before returning to his burger. Jensen doesn’t respond much, but it’s okay.

Jensen is like a budding flower. Delicate and easy to kill. It’ll take some time for Jensen to be okay with his fantasies. That’s fine. Jared is a very patient man when it comes to this. If he plays his cards right, he’ll have something fucking amazing out of Jensen.

 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Jared didn’t know he was a lonely person, until Jensen moved in with him.

Somehow, they forged a dynamic companionship, carved themselves a little piece of heaven filled with violent sex with maple syrup pancakes and tender kisses in the morning. It was Jensen’s idea first and it took a while for Jared to agree. Jared was a loner, a private man that had his routines and didn’t need anyone. Or so he thought.

Now he had someone warm and sleeping in his bed every night, had someone to kiss awake. It was strange, something Jared didn’t know he needed till he had it.

Jensen finds himself some work for a little bit, then ends up fired or quits. Nothing fancy, but it kept money in his pocket. His own money of course- Jared was more than loaded and okay with supporting him. Jensen just liked having his own money, some sort of fake independence. They both know Jensen can’t wipe his ass without asking Jared first.

And oh- That first time Jensen called him “boyfriend” - Something disgusting dug a nice deep hole in Jared’s heart, Sunken it’s claws in the seams of it. Latching on so tight, Jared knew the only way to get rid of it, was to rip his own heart out himself.

Jensen was easy to mold; such a beautiful tragic, daddy issue ridden little boy he was. The kind that need that aggressive male attention in their life to fill a bottomless void. It wasn’t hard. Just put a little nasty seed in Jensen’s brain, let it grow and blossom on its own. Soon enough- it was Jensen reaching for the knives. Such a pretty little thing. Still shy when he does it, still winces from the pain as Jared hacks him up. Jensen’s covered in bandages. Pretty pretty pretty.

It was therapeutic for the both of them as Jared sewed, glued and bandaged his boy back together. It’s a quiet, intimate thing. Jensen would be crying those good tears, watching Jared treat the wounds. He would kiss them when he was finished and it causes Jensen’s heart to melt. It seemed Jared cared so much for him. Jensen wasn’t a poet, that was more of Jared’s thing. Although, Jensen can’t help but think that somehow, the man was healing more than physical wounds.

Jensen knew they were so fucking broken, in different ways and were able to mesh so perfectly. Red flags were everywhere, Jensen was wearing trashy rose tinted sunglasses like in a pop singer’s music video; so the flags just looked like flags to him. It was a dream with Jared that Jensen didn’t want to wake up from, knowing and fearing the truth he would find. He knows he wouldn’t be able to cope.

Jared had his claws in him tight and Jensen didn’t mind, doesn’t know how deep they run through his bloodstream.

Only Jared does.

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Jared takes a long drag from his Marlboro red labels. He lets it sit in his lungs, savoring the burn. He stares at the ceiling and lets it out of his nose. Nice and slow, watches the smoke plume up in beautiful spirals. There’s an eerie calm in his mind; No racing thoughts, no meticulous strategies. Just wet hands and a nice cigarette.

Jared only gets this calm after he’s gutted something.

She’s in his bedroom on the floor.

Jared has his white button up sleeves rolled up to his elbows and from finger tip to arm sleeve, his arms are covered in her blood.

She wasn’t that pretty to be honest, maybe Jared was too picky or he was trying to compare her to Jensen. Still, she came onto Jared pretty quickly and he’s an opportunistic lion.

It’s a fucking mess. Bloody handprints on the white marble counters, there is a blood trail from the living room down the hall. When Jared picked this house, there was a reason he requested dark hardwood. Easier to clean, easier to hide.

As long as he gets it cleaned up before Jensen comes home from work, he’ll be all set. Then they’ll take a nice trip to Jared’s fathers lake cabin. Jensen can swim in the cold water while Jared digs a grave.

But right now, he just wants to stand here, puff on his tobacco and relish in the only rare peace Jared gets. He gets in another drag before he hears the door click.

Jensen fucking ruins everything. Jared should know this by now.

Does Jared hurry to hide the blood? Hurry to wash his hands in the sink? No. He stands there in the open kitchen, waiting for his boy to turn the corner. There is no point in hiding this. If Jensen screams, he’ll have to gut him too. It would be tragic moment, but he could do it. Fuck knows Jared still jerks off about beheading the pretty boy.

But maybe, Maybe Jensen is ready for this. Take this to a new level.

Footsteps, Jared holds his breath. Tar blood slowly clogging his veins.

“Guess what! Tommy let me go home early. It was so slow at work and-”

Jensen stands there at the round dining table, his eyes are instantly on Jared’s bloody arms. He’s just standing there, staring.Like some bambi baby fawn. His bag falls from his arm. Jared brings the cigarette back to his mouth just in time for them to make eye contact.

It’s the longest eye contact they’ve had in the six months they’ve known each other. Jared looks dead, that peaceful but scary look he gets sometimes during sex. When his mind is somewhere else and Jensen has to go find it himself, coax and call Jared back.

Jared can’t explain this, can’t make an excuse for it. Mouse caught in a trap but Jared refuses to be the prey here. That’s not how this works.

The longer the looks, the more blood he sees. It’s fucking everywhere. Jensen’s knees are starting to shake. Little tingles up his back. Fear? Curiosity? Shock? Who knows at this point. Jared looks scary, looks fucking good being scary and he’s looking at Jensen like he’s prey. His pants are undone, falling off his slim hips and showing off his big boy saxx underwear.

Jared taps the ash on the marble counter, uses his free hand to comb his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. He’s waiting to see if Jensen runs, screams, or cries. Jensen is noting the smeared blood on Jared’s cheek where his red knuckles bumped against his skin as he smokes.

“Jay.”

It’s that name Jensen only uses when he’s fucking terrified. Small, Jensen has to vomit it out. Oh- It’s better than any angel chorus.

Jared blinks slow and lazy like a warm fat cat in the sun.

“The fuck did you do, Jay.”

Jared still doesn’t know how to play this yet. Jenny’s not running, but he’s not getting closer. So Jared fills the gap between them. The sound of his boots getting closer booms in Jensen’s chest, each step. Boom Boom Boom. It’s a ticking time bomb in his chest. He’s going to explode. Just doesn’t know if he’s going to come in his pants or throw up yet.

Jared loves how the pretty things cowers like that. He leans down, goes for a kiss, Jensen tries to subtly dodge it and Jared ends up kissing the corner of his mouth instead.

The man studies Jensen,seeing if he’s scared yet. He goes for another kiss, Jensen cries into his mouth and for a second; Jared wants to shove both hands down his throat and find whatever makes him make that delicate sound.

The kiss isn’t anything rough, but Jared is still panting against Jensen’s cheek. Jensen bends away, Jared follows. It should be uncomfortably close, but it’s making Jensen weak.

“You want to see?” He asks sweetly as if he’s asking the kid if he wants to pet his new puppy. Jared is pushing Jensen to new limits the kid didn’t even know he had. Jensen can’t breathe, can’t take his eyes off Jared. There is a day dreamy pink barbie dream house look in his eyes. It isn’t all a lie, Jared was trying to make his own weird little family with Jensen.

He finally takes his eyes off the giant man, follows the blood trail to the hall. Honestly, he doesn’t have to think too hard about whats in there. Still, his mind wanders. Animal? Human? Girl or boy?

“.... No.” Jensen drags out. Jared can see the kid can’t stop looking at the blood up his arms. There’s that scared interest glint in his veins like the first time Jared cut him. A faint blush on his cheeks. Jensen’s thinking about it too hard. Morals flashing through his expression and Jared finds it entertaining.

“You’re a horrible liar.” Jared says deeply, nudging the boy with his nose against his cheek.

Jensen swallows the cotton in his mouth. It gets stuck somewhere going down and he tries to cough it up.

Jared offers his hand; red, smeared. Not his blood. Jensen stares at if for whole six seconds before taking two fingers of it. It reminds Jared of a toddler learning to walk. He smiles as he guides Jensen to the bedroom, Jensen stumbling like a child. Fingers nearly slipping off at the wetness.

There’s blood on his hand, there’s blood on his hand. Oh my God it’s going down the hallway. “J-Jay.” It’s a warning, a flash of fear and Jared looks over his shoulder to his boy. “You trust me, right?” Jared sounds offended, it’s an act Jensen eats up too easily.

“Yeah. Jay. Of course. You know I do but-” He stops because Jared is creaking the door open and that squeaky door has never sounded so damn loud. A knife fucking his eardrum.

There she was. Or, what was left of her. She’s not breathing or moving; Sitting in the middle of the room and her legs were spread in an unflattering, unnatural manor. She’s wearing a blue dress that’s tucked up her knees to show her cunt, dark brown hair that covered her blungened face. Jensen had a hard time figuring out what was what. It was just a lump of flesh. Jared leans against the door frame, folds his arms and he’s watching Jensen like he’s next.

What if he is next.

Jared’s not trying to hide this obviously. What if it’s some joke and Jared’s going to knock him over the head too? Wouldn’t Jared be fearful of Jensen taking off and telling the police? That only means that Jared is going to kill him next.

And yeah, Jared will kill him if he has a negative reaction. It’s an unspoken truth they can both feel between them.

Jensen finally takes his eyes off the body and drags it up and up to Jared’s face. His lion eyes are right there to meet him, suddenly not scared or nervous like he usually is. They’re fucking glowing.

“Um.” Jensen starts, not even knowing where to begin with this. For the first time, It’s Jensen that’s calculating the exact things he’s saying. Jared can read him, but Jensen can read him just as well. Jared looks like he’s waiting for a positive response. Like he’s in kindergarten and finally learned how to read, he’s waiting for his gold star sticker. What The Fuck.

Jensen uses his clean hand to wipe his own face. “Fuck. Jay. Jared. The fuck. I mean- Oh god.” He turns away, takes only a step backward but Jared takes it as fleeing. Jensen’s arm is yanked hard, causing him to stumble. It’s the eight time Jensen actually thinks Jared is going to kill him.

“You’re the one that wasn’t supposed to be back until eight.” He says matter of factly, making Jensen’s eyes get big. That’s right. This is Jensen’s fault for being early. If he had come home at a normal hour, the body and mess would be gone.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean! Because I was fucking early You go and… do this to a person?”

Jared blinks like he doesn’t understand.

But then he smiles and it makes Jensen shiver, he hates himself for it. Jared just has that effect on him. The messy hair, wild eyes, the blood.

It was a good look on him.

That thing in the bedroom? That was a different story.

“This… This isn’t new for you. Is it.” It’s a statement and Jared shakes his head slowly, still holding Jensen’s arm. Somehow, Jensen isn’t surprised. Jared’s dropped hints he’d like to do this. He always copped it out to the heat of the moment when he had his dick up his ass and well- Jensen’s said some pretty disgusting things in the heat of the moment too.

He knew Jared was a freak, knew he got off on pain, blood and scary shit. He just didn’t know this did it too.

“You told me you wanted to do this one day.” Jared says, flatlined and Jensen looks shocked again. Yes- Jen’s told him all kinds of fantasies. To maiming abusers, to letting Jared cut him too much. Again, heat of the moment when Jared is choking him and he’s having an amazing orgasm. It was all a fantasy then, this was real. There was a real, dead, maimed girl in their bedroom.

“O-Oh. Oh, Jay this is different. That was just-” He pauses because the hand on his arm is around his throat now, sliding into place naturally. Jensen is sure he has indents in his muscles from Jared’s fingers. It’s not tight yet, just controlling. It feels like his body naturally goes limp, like Jared’s programmed him for this. Maybe he has.

Jensen’s either going to have to accept it, or end up like the girl. Jared thinks the kid understands that by the look on his face. Jared moves and Jensen flinches, shuts his eyes and this is it. This is the end. Jared’s going to kill him. Ninth time he’s seriously thought this.

Jensen makes a sweet noise when Jared kisses him instead. Slow, intimate, no tongue fucking and Jensen’s eyes flutter like a disney princess when they separate. “F-Fuck. Jay.” He gasps out, looking upset at the man.

“The hell is wrong with you?” He asks honestly, wondering why Jared did this, what would make a person want to do this. He gets another tender kiss, swallows under Jared’s hand and leans up to the ball of his feet, silently asking for another candy coated kiss.

“The hell is wrong with you.” Jared parrots back. His response was so quick, Jensen blinks several times, never in his life so stumped. He didn’t have an answer. They stare at each other, Jared waiting for an answer he knows Jensen’s not going to have.

They were both fucked up. Jared had a dead mutilated girl in his bedroom and Jensen was getting hard over the blood on his hands.

  
“I…. I-I dunno.” Jensen finally says, looking up at Jared with the biggest eyes. It’s a soft realization. It has Jared chubbing in his slacks a little. That dumb, virgin scared look.

This was new territory Jared never thought he would have with anyone. At least nobody living.

Jensen touches Jared’s hand on his neck, nice and sweet and it let’s go. He can feel the cold wet slide of it and by the hungry look on his lover’s face; Jensen’s neck must be covered with the girl’s blood.

Jared wished he had a fucking camera. His phone was in the kitchen but knew he couldn’t go get it now. Jensen could still run off. Later later, pictures later. Jared knows he needs to calm the fuck down. One thing at a time.

Jensen’s mouth is so dry.

“What do we… what do you do with her after.” He’s quick to change his words, not quick enough because that ‘we’ will echo in Jared’s head forever. We. Us. Together. Just them. You and Me. Jared’s not alone now. Will never be alone. Jensen’s just like him, they’re the same.

Jared puffs his chest out, shoulders raising and he looks even bigger to Jensen. That roll of the shoulders Jared does, how he licks his lips. Jensen knows this is turning him on, whatever the hell was floating in that brain of his.

It’s a loaded question. Is he asking what else he likes to do to her body after she’s dead, or is he asking how does he get rid of this? Knowing his boy, it’s the latter. Maybe. We’ll see.

“We cut her up. Smaller pieces make it easier to get her out of the house.”

Jensen nods slowly, feeling numb. He melts when Jared tickles under his chin, causing him to respond and look up. Jared’s being soft with him, despite the mangled body in the room.

“What I need you to do, is to go get one of those big blue barrels out of the garage.”

“...I thought those were for water storage.”

Jared snorts loudly. Oh, his Jenny was so cute.

“No. Go and get it.”

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

The ride out to the lake was so breathtakingly beautiful. The sun was just starting to set. This hot yellow orb at the horizon, how the clouds parted for it and the light shown through it. All sorts of pretty reds and oranges. Jensen’s trying to focus on that right now.

The kid jolts suddenly when Jared squeezes his thigh as they drive. He hits his knee on the glove box and Jared gives a concerned look.

“What’s wrong?”

Jared is fucking dumb.

Jensen rolls his eyes, doesn’t pull Jared’s hand away but looks back to the sunset. Everything about this was wrong. How Jared looks so worried, how Jensen’s letting him touch with his clean but forever dirty hands. Not to mention the cut up girl floating around in gasoline in the bed of the truck.

But mostly, he’s concerned about how fucked up his own brain was.

“I’m worried about getting in trouble.” Jensen feels like he has to say something to keep Jared happy and it was an honest fear. How were they going to hide this? Was Jared going to jail? What if he gets caught? Sure, Jensen didn’t even touch the girl, dead or alive, not one peice or eight. But- he was still involved.

Jared makes a little grunt noise, grabs his thigh one more time and it’s back at ten and two on the wheel.

“It’ll be fine. I’ve got this covered. Don’t worry, Jensen.”

Jensen rolls his eyes before putting his head on the window. Of course he does.

They ride in silence for a while. The sun dipping further and further into the horizon. Jensen is amazed at how fast the colors change. He looks to Jared.

People are the same way.

Jared looks dark, giving a death glare to the road while his mind is going faster than his truck.

“Jay.”

Jared responds quickly, straightening up and giving a sudden sad hurt expression. He changes faster than the sunset.

“How long you’ve been doing this?” Jensen has to know, morbid curiosity is what it is. That gross pinprick feeling going up his spine. That feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff he only gets when Jared pushes him past his limits. It’s an excited, but terrifying rush. He hasn’t felt it in a while. It’s good to have it back.

Jared looks back to the road. White knuckles flex around the wheel. It takes him his usual delayed response. Soon he’s leaning back, relaxing somewhat and speaking. Jensen waits patiently, even turns the radio down.

Jared doesn’t know how to respond. Should he be truthful? Should he lie about it? He thought Jensen was dumb; that he could tell him the earth is really flat and Jensen would be starting a fanclub about it the next day and preaching it on the street corner.

But now as he side glances to the boy to get that knowing, maybe judgemental look. Oh- It almost sets Jared off in bad ways.

Rejection, rejection. Disgust. Jensen doesn’t get it. Jensen’s not like him. Oh no. Jensen is going to leave him. No no, Hit him over the head and toss him in the barrel too. That’ll hurt less than the possible look Jensen is giving him.

The touch on the knee that scared Jensen calms Jared. Jensen rubs his knee to comfort him.

“You can tell me. It’s okay.”

There’s that scared puppy dog look again. Like Jared is five and he’s sitting in therapy for the first time talking about where daddy touched him wrong. It shouldn’t melt Jensen, but it does. Fuck - it does. There’s something wrong with the both of them.

“A long time.” Jared blurts it out, his lips tight. It doesn’t solve the question, just presents more. Jensen can see that Jay is really uncomfortable about this conversation. He’ll have to tread lightly. He knows that if he’s too uncomfortable, Jared will fade away and be unreachable.

“Okay.” Jensen starts, voice little and hushed. “How many.” It’s the more important question. Jared rolls his neck real fast, anxious tic number six. Back it up, Jensen thinks to himself. He’s a wild animal, not a domestic dog.

Jared can’t communicate that he’s scared Jensen will judge him, be scared of him and leave.

“A lot.”

Jensen sighs deeply, nodding to himself and looks back to the sunset. It’s more pink and purples now. The sun just a baby’s thumbnail in the sky.

“Why?” Jensen asks some more, not looking to Jared. He waits for a response but when it doesn’t come, he looks to the man. Jared’s eyes are glossy, they’re hollow and empty and Jared’s not here anymore to answer.

But he’ll come back, he always does.

  
Jared comes to life a little bit when they’re standing side by side, watching the flames lap at the night sky. It’s beautiful out here at the lake. No street lights, no car horns and ambulances. Just him and Jay. It’s horribly muggy though, Jensen has to keep swatting mosquitoes off his arms.

Jared did it all. Put the barrel in the center, built up wood around it so you could barely see the robin’s egg blue color. Lit the whole damn thing on fire. It went up quickly. It’s easy to see the man knows what he’s doing.

“Soaking her in the gas makes it burn better.”

Jensen squints a little and looks to him. “ I guess so. Damn.” Jensen snorts, watching the flames mushroom up as a log settles. Jared can’t take his eyes off the fire. Jensen doesn’t even think he’s blinking at this point. The light catches on his features in the most brilliant way, makes his eyes glow gold. Jensen takes in the beauty of it for a long while.

“Is this what you usually do with… uh. Them?” Jensen doesn’t know what to call it. Jared keeps referring to the body as her, even though she’s way past being a person at this point. But It sounds too offensive for the girl’s sake and it’s too early to call her ash.

Jared finally blinks his dry eyes and nods before glancing down to Jensen.

“It stinks.”

“Ha. Yeah.”

They stand there together, not touching, quiet as can be until the plastic barrel is melted and nothing is left but kindling and coal. Jensen doesn’t know how long it’s been. Time stopped long ago. He thinks it stopped when Jared creaked the door open to show him what he had done.

But honestly, Jensen isn’t minding so much. Jared looks so calm, so beautiful in dying fire light. He didn’t mind at all staring at him the whole time.

Jared walks up to the ash pit, kicks it with his foot just to see if she was gone. When he’s satisfied, he steps back and wipes his nose with his sleeve.

Jensen smacks another mosquito as he slowly walks back. When he looks up, Jared is suddenly standing too close and Jensen’s chin bumps Jared’s chest. There’s eye contact they’ve never had before. It reminds Jensen of a charging animal, watching you to see what you’ll do, a sign of dominance. It’s a challenge. He doesn’t know if Jared wants him to cower, or face it. Fifty fifty chance. Jensen knows what this man is capable of now.

Jensen takes a deep breath, holds it in his chest and meets the gaze.

This is the boy’s first and last chance to get out of this. Jared will let him. He’ll let him cry and run away. If this is too much, too scary. But Jensen doesn’t look away.

He doesn’t do anything Jared expects him to, does he? He’s always doing it wrong in the best ways.

Whatever Jared wants, Jensen must be doing it right because soon, Jared is cracking a slow smile and leans down. Jensen lets out the softest gasp that only Jay’s tongue can hear when they kiss.

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Jensen thought they would be driving home after the girl was compost. Apparently that’s not how things are done. Jared shows the family cabin to him. A nice place. Furs and antlers, a nice fireplace. Very rustic but small. Two bedroom, one bath and a kitchen. At least the place had bug zappers on the window and AC because between Texas heat, the humidity from the lake and the mosquitos, Jensen was finished being outside for the night.

They wash up the best they can, sleep in the same clothes and Jensen is the last one to get into bed.

The shock of it was amazing, but it was a numb shock.

They just disposed of a body. And they’re sleeping in the same bed like normal. Jensen was expecting himself to feel different. Like it was in the movies and he would see the world a brand new way. Or maybe he’ll succumb to the evils of man and go out hunting another person tomorrow.

No. None of that hollywood bullshit. Jared’s on his back in bed, frowning at his phone and muttering about phone reception. Jensen’s cuddling up to his side with his chin perched on Jay’s pec like at home.

Everything was normal. But Jared just fucking killed someone and burned a girl to ash. Jensen watched. Why wasn’t he upset about it?

Jared huffs, reaches over the boy to put his useless phone on the nightstand just as Jensen’s eyes are fluttering shut.

Maybe this was a dream and perhaps that’s why Jensen was so okay with this.

Jared’s hand around his throat proves that this isn’t dream. The man is suddenly on top of him, hand melting around his throat. Not tight, just controlling. Jay’s pushing his forehead against Jensen’s as they settle; kicks his legs apart, straddles one of them, the kid tilts his head back for air, lips delicately parted. Jared’s staring cross-eyed at him so damn hard.

“W-What?” Jensen meekly asks, wondering what the change of mood was about or what triggered Jared.

No response. Jared kisses him hard instead. It’s not long before Jensen’s sucking on Jared’s tongue like a baby paci and humping his thigh.

The man puts both of his hands on headboard as he pulls away, pants down into Jensen’s face.

“Are you scared of me?”

Jensen’s brow pinched together. He can’t reply right away because he doesn’t know the answer. Was he? Jared wasn’t scaring him now. And even as Jay showed him the body and they burned it, Jensen wasn’t clear if that was fear running through him or not. He knows he has to answer soon because Jared is getting fidgety.

“No.”

Jared looks sad and Jensen doesn’t know why. The hand is back around his throat. Tighter, harder. The top of Jensen’s head hits the headboard and Jared isn’t making eye contact anymore.

“Are you sure?” Jared asks and squeezes his throat. Jensen can’t verbally respond, he can only nod his head. It makes the man chew his lip and let go.

Jensen can see he’s upset and anxious. He may not understand why, but He wants to comfort him as best he can. Jensen pushes Jared’s hair out of his eyes, tucks it behind his ear and rubs behind it. He gets a pretty good response out of the guy and Jensen smiles.

“You make me feel so good, Jay.”

Jared blinks his eyes, looking emotional. It’s a rare expression for him but Jensen loves it. He knows Jared is only like this with him. It makes him feel special.

“I am.” Jared mumbles, making Jensen’s brow knit. I am? I am what? Is he… scared? Oh- Jensen gets it now.

He shakes his head. “You scared that I’m going to be mad?” Jared nods a little, looking scared. It was far more complicated than that to Jared, but he was on the right track. Good enough for him.

“I’m not mad. I’m not even surprised really. You mumble about cutting me open as we fuck. You’re not discreet about it.” Jensen pauses, then chuckles realizing how fucking weird that sounds saying it out loud.

He puts his arms around Jared’s broad shoulders and presses their foreheads together. The man’s eyes shut and Jensen hums sweetly.

“You’d never hurt me unless I asked, right?”

There is a long pause but it’s not because of Jared’s usual delayed replies. Jensen stupidly waits for Jared’s mind to catch up. It doesn’t need to catch up this time. Jared is trying to figure out how to play his pawns.

“No.”

It’s a fucking lie Jensen doesn’t hear. The boy smiles and kisses him.

“Then that’s all I care about right now, Jay.”

  
Maybe he loves Jared too much.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Jensen learned why Jared’s favorite color was blue green- like clear lake water when the sun hits it.

It was an amazingly gorgeous morning. It was cooler, the bugs weren’t awake yet. Jensen could finally see the beauty of this place in the sunlight. It was some fancy rich person’s place where families had their own cabins and peice of the lake. Totally private, just the sound of the wind carrying through the trees.

Jensen’s never seen California beaches. But as he stands on the water’s edge, toes dipping into the water and listening to the howl of the wind through the trees; he pretends it’s the push pull roar of ocean waves.

Like always, he’s knocked out of his pretend dream land.

Jared’s massive body is at his back, trying to climb on him like a child and Jensen nearly stumbles into the water face first. Luckily, Jared’s strong arms wrap around his middle and keep him up right.

“Jesus, Jared.”

“Sorry.”

Jensen laughs it off as they settle. The man hugs him from behind, he’s already smearing his face all over Jensen’s neck and shoulder. Jensen can only see the mop mess of hair out of the corner of his eyes.

Last night’s experience isn’t haunting as much as he thought it would be. He was expecting shadows of ghosts, an itch you can’t scratch paranoia. All he could feel was Jared sucking under his ear and fingers dipping under his pants.

He doesn’t even feel bad about it. Doesn’t feel bad for the girl. It was like his brain was blocking him from thinking about it. It happened, it’s sad for the girl but that was it. Maybe it doesn’t feel real yet. Maybe Jensen is just really fucked up. Jensen pushes those thoughts away.

They hadn’t talked about it yet. Unknowingly to Jensen; Jared got up early and scattered the ash then crawled back into bed just as Jensen was waking up.

When Jared is finally done sucking a new gross bruise on the bend of Jensen’s neck, he perches his chin there, tries to see what Jensen’s looking at.

“I’ve been coming here since I was a child on most summers.” Jared randomly explains and Jensen doesn’t take his eyes off the view to look at him. He only makes a hum, letting Jay know he’s listening but doesn’t have a comment.

Jared gets upset when he thinks he’s being ignored.

“Yeah.”

“This is where you take them all?”

Jared blinks, not expecting that, but he knows what the kid is talking about. He shifts, coughs a little and tries to hide his big head in the small bony crook of Jensen’s neck. Doesn’t work, but it’s cute, makes Jensen smile at least. He reaches backwards to touch his hair.

“Yeah. Yeah usually. Perfect place. It’s quiet, technically this is my property. It’s a camping place so no one questions bonfires.”

Jensen hums again.

Jared’s hands are still wandering everywhere. Under his shirt to his chest, rubbing his stomach, Jensen’s heart beats a little faster when they dip in his pants. If Jared could, he’d be touching Jensen every single second of the day. He fucking tries, and Jensen loves it. Loves the attention he’s never gotten in his life, loves feeling wanted.

Jensen tips his head back on Jared’s shoulder when a big hand fully reaches down his pants to grab at his dick. He stares up at perfectly blue skies and puffy white clouds as Jared rubs his cock. “Ah... Jay.” Jensen hums out, cantering his hips up at the pleasure. Jared groans his reply, mouth sucking at his earlobe.

He’s able to drift off into his perfect dream land again. Just for a moment.

“You do understand that if you tell anyone, I will kill you.” Jared whispers into his ear, causing Jensen’s blood to run cold. He brings his head forward to look at Jay, but can’t find eye contact. Jensen doesn’t even know how to respond to that. Was he serious? Just last night, Jared said he’d never hurt him without asking. Now he’s making death threats with his hand around his cock.

And Jared meant it full heartedly. He would not need to think twice about it.

Jensen stays quiet but it’s not good enough for Jay. Suddenly, He squeezes Jensen’s cock as hard as he can like he’s actually trying to rip the damn thing off his body. Squishy, imagines the head of it popping off like a champagne cork.

Jensen cries out sharply at the rush of pain, hunches over and reaches down to grab at Jared’s hand, tears stinging his eyes. He makes delicious hurt noises, his boney knees clanking together.

“Do you understand.” Jared’s voice is something Jensen’s never heard before. He can’t even begin to describe it. Tar like and thick. Slides into his ear like something disgusting and sticky. It stays there for a long while. He won’t let go of his cock and It’s hurting in a bad way.

“S-Shit! Yes! I know! I know! Fuck! I won’t. Let go! You know I won’t, just fucking-!” Jensen can’t help but squirm, trying to pry the man’s hand off his strangled dick. Jared keeps choking it for a few more seconds, just to make Jensen hurt, let the threat sink in fully before letting go.

Then before the boy can catch his breath; Jared sweetly kisses his cheek, playfully slaps his ass as Jensen’s checking his dick to make sure it really didn’t fall off. It’s still throbbing with pain.

He wasn’t going to tell anyone in the first place. But Jared’s words are still tar like in his ear, repeating over and over. Would Jared really kill him if he told? Not that he was going to, but the threat was still there. He didn’t know if it was serious or not.

“You want breakfast? I want bacon.” Jared says and Jensen’s not looking at him, but he can hear the peppy smile on his voice. He keeps his gaze on the pretty blue-green lake water.

 

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Jensen’s laying out on the couch, his shirt tucked up to show what Jay calls his baby tits. One of his legs is thrown over the back, the other is being held out by Jared’s too tight grip hand. It looks funny; Jared’s half on the couch, half kneeling into some weird position. Jensen chuckles to himself as he watches Jared try and fit his massive frame down low so he could get his dick in his mouth.

Jared’s not super good at sucking dick, but it’s not hard to make it feel good enough. It’s really hot that he tries so hard though. And honestly, if Jay wants to suck his hole and dick for hours, that’s fine with Jensen.

Jensen pets through Jared’s mane before turning his attention back to his cooking show that was playing softly in the background. Some crazy haired chef yelling at other cooks. It was just background noise for Jared’s grunts and slurps.

His dick pops out of the warm heat of his mouth as Jared leans up to shove three long fingers up his wet puckered hole. Jensen shakes, his vision blurring for a few moments and groans happily.

When Jared fingers him, it’s not about opening him up to take cock. It’s more like he really just wants to feel his insides. The pads of his fingers just rubbing his silky walls, seeing how far he can get them. When Jensen looks to him, Jay has that far away look. He’s somewhere in his fantasyland, not even paying attention to Jensen. But it’s okay. It feels good. It’s a nice lazy afternoon on Jared’s rare day off. Jensen can’t say no to attention. He physically can’t.

Jensen reaches down to give his neglected dick some attention only to be swatted away from it by Jared’s free hand. Ah- Jared doesn’t want to share today. That’s fine. The kid rolls his eyes a little before settling his arm over his head.

“Not too tight.”

Jared’s hand has been too tight around is cock since that morning at the lake.

“I know.”

Jensen makes a lazy grunt; lets Jared jerk him off and finger his ass. Only making little moans here and there as he watches his cooking show.

Jared grips the base of his cock just as he tries to wiggle in a fourth finger, the pinky. He can’t help but frown as Jensen naturally seizes up with a hiss. His muscles clench around his three and a half fingers, trying to push them out and Jared takes personal offense to that.

Dead things don’t do that.

He sighs with frustration, keeps trying until Jensen reaches down to grab his wrist hard.

“It hurts, man. Stop.” Jensen chuckles, forcing Jared’s fingers out of him. The man notices the pretty gape, his jaw set tight. Could be bigger, could rosebud out. But he knows Jensen won’t let him.

Dead things don’t ask to stop.

Jared doesn’t like or love people. He’s not programmed for that. The most feelings he has for Jensen is a companionship fondness. He enjoys Jensen, but not all the time. Right now was one of those times. Sure, Jensen lets him play however long he wants, but there’s limits. It’s fucking frustrating.

Jared sighs again, rolls his shoulders and stops touching Jensen all together. Jensen makes this noise that sounds like a curious cat as he arches his neck up to see what’s wrong with Jay. His own insecurities were bubbling at the surface. Not boiling, just bubbling under his skin. Jared looks upset with him. There’s a growing fear of upsetting him recently. His skin feels cold and empty without Jared’s hands on him. They both know Jensen wants to be touched 24/7.

  
“Hey, Jay.” The boy cooes for him, reaches up to Jared and hooks his hand around the back of his neck so he doesn’t leave. “C’mon. You can… You can keep going just-” Jared doesn’t respond much and Jensen feels really guilty for some reason. He doesn’t know why. Some primitive child brain response he never went to therapy for.

Jared shoves him away and Jensen heart breaks.

He quickly grabs the man’s hand, intertwining their fingers like highschool sweethearts. Jared looks confused, but still distant.

Jensen kind of has to force the words out, but they eventually come and he’s proud they sound sexy and confident. “Keep going. Want you to keep going, Jay. Just uh. Use more lube.”

Jared blinks, stares at him for a long time before settling back down into his weird position between Jensen’s legs. The kid sighs heavily, tipping his head back on the couch’s armrest. He watches Jared just to make sure he does lube up before turning his head back at the tv.

Sometimes Jensen requests more lube and Jared says he does, then he’s bleeding moments later. He has to watch him.

He lets Jared manipulate his hips up, feels the comfortable stretch of fingers, then the too hot burn. It makes Jensen’s stomach ache and his shoulders raise to his ears. It hurts - maybe spreading his legs wider will help. It doesn’t help.

“Relax.” Sticky like tar, Jensen pinches his face up.

“I know.”

“Then do it.”

Jensen rolls his eyes shut, takes a deep breath and makes a noise when something pops into place and stops. Too big, too full. Feels like a fucking school bus up his ass even though it’s only Jared’s four fingers up to the last knuckle. They’re flat and pushed together, making his asshole feel huge and gaping.

Jensen’s not going to look. He’s just going to be quiet, lay there until Jared is done. He’s very good at that. That’s the plan until Jared makes a pleasurable sound. It’s the most interested and turned on Jared’s looked in the past hour. He pumps his hand back and forth, teasing the idea of shoving his whole hand up there. He can’t take his eyes off his big hand and gaping boy pussy. Jensen shivers and shakes, trying to close his legs. Jared can’t tell if he’s enjoying this or not.

Jensen’s not.

“Fuck. What are you trying to do? Fist me?” Jensen’s teasing, he’s fucking teasing but he looks worried when he sees Jared’s dark expression.

“Not yet. But yeah.” He replies and Jensen shakes his head.

“That’s not gonna happen, Jay.” Jensen says under his breath. Sure, he likes big things in his ass. Jared’s big cock and three fingers is enough. There’s no way he’s putting Jared’s sasquatch hand inside of him.

Jared hears it and he’s tempted to force his hand inside and see how much he could make Jensen bleed just at that comment.

Dead things don’t talk back like that.

Why wasn’t Jensen playing along right now? He’s usually so good at it.

He doesn’t do anything right.

He pumps his fingers up real hard, just once, just enough to make Jensen squeal in pain like a slaughterhouse pig before slipping his hand away. His half hard on is gone, there’s a rage in his chest and he wants to ditch Jensen off somewhere.

But then he sees how big and wet Jensen’s eyes get, how he’s grabbing at his arms like some needy pathetic thing. “Jaaay.” It makes Jared pause just as Jensen sucks his lip.

“I’m sorry. We gotta - We can work up to that okay? Don’t be…. Slamming your hand up my ass on the first go, I mean- You’re gonna tear me apart.” Jensen tries to chuckle, bring humor to the situation but right now, he’s terrified of Jared being upset with him. There is something in his brain, planted way before he met Jared, that made him panic when he couldn’t make people happy. Now that he knows Jared, knows that the man has killed, it’s triggering harder than ever before.

Jensen thinks this, somewhere in his logical adult brain. But it’s being pushed back and back. Needyness and that desperate need to please banging underneath the front of his skull painfully. Right between his eyes. All the kid knows, is that he’s biting his tongue to repeat “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” over and over until Jared smiles at him. Then everything will be okay.

It doesn’t happen, at least not right away.

Jared is too busy calculating big eyes and five year old open palmed grabby hands asking for upsies.

Just for a science experiment; Jared leans down over Jensen, feigns comfort and love. Even brushes their noses together all sweet like and Jensen fucking purrs. He leans up to it, eyes falling shut and tries to kiss him.

Touch starved bitch with daddy issues.

He doesn’t kiss back, just mutters a quiet “Alright” before leaning off the couch all together. Again, it’s an experiment to see how Jensen reacts. It’s beautiful how he rubs his eyes like a child, closes his legs and knocks his knees together. That’s all Jensen was. A troubled child. Jared doesn’t mess with kids under ten but right now Jensen’s looking a lot like a lost eleven year old.

How beautifully tragic. His little boy. 

 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Jensen doesn’t know exactly what Jared is doing when he doesn’t come home at his usual strict routine time. He sits on the couch, knees under his chin and tries to focus on stupid one am infomercials. Pills to make your dick bigger, the lasted new vacuum that only weighs one pound. It’s static noise in his brain, pushed out about thoughts of what his Jay is doing.

Maybe he’s working late.

Maybe his truck can’t start.

Maybe Jared doesn’t want to come home to him anymore.

Maybe Jared left him.

Jensen tries so hard to think of more logical explanations.

But it’s happening more and more. Once only once a week, now it’s four times a week. And Jared comes back the same each and every time.

He’s wild eyed, eyes glowing like an animal. He’s scary. Jensen can only stare wide eyed at him as the giant man makes a beeline to him. Heavy boots on the dark blood stained hardfloor, he can never seem to get his legs open fast or wide enough for Jared.

And Jensen just holds on as tight as he can, rides the hurricane waves that was Jared after whatever he just finished doing. Probably killing someone. Or something. Lets hope it’s a dog or something. Jared never says, just bites into his neck and moans loudly.

With the angry force of this giant man, Jensen falls off the couch, hitting his head pretty hard on the coffee table. His world spins, tempts to go black and a few tears slip out. Jared doesn’t care, or notice; just shoves his cock back into his dry ass and fucks on.

It’s scaring Jensen, tears welling into his green eyes. His dick hard in a single minute. But it’s fucking scaring him. The kid snorts snot back into his nose and leans up on his elbows, trying to check if Jared is splitting him open or not. He only gets half way before Jared’s hand is on his neck, slamming him back to the ground.

“J-Jay.”

“Shut up.”

Jensen swallows hard under the hand that feels likes two tons of brick on his airway. He started crying and he doesn’t know when it happened, but he feels the wet slide of his down his red heated cheeks. He also doesn’t know when he’s mumbling out, “Hurts, Daddy.” It just comes out like his choked out tears.   
All it gets him, is Jared leaning down, panting hot and fevered against his cheek. The word has always been a joke. When Jensen slaps Jared’s ass in public and calls him daddy just to see the man blush. Now it’s not a joke to either of them. Jared gives him a rare kiss; too hard, tongue fucking the back of his throat but Jensen mewls with it. It makes his toes curls and lets him forget about the pain in his ass for a moment.

“Play dead for me, baby. Just- Fucking. Play Dead for daddy.” Jared orders, foreheads pressed painfully together. Something new and hot settles in Jensen stomach. There’s not a word or way to describe it. It’s just there rotting at the bottom of his organs and it’s scaring the kid again. He bats his eyelashes unknowingly and nods the best he can. “ ‘Kay. I-I’ll try.”

“Shut up.” Jared is repeating sharply, rolling his eyes shut and by the look on his face, He’s off into fantasyland. He’s fucking him so hard that Jensen is rocking and bouncing on the floor. His head is still pounding from the fall.

Play dead. It rings in Jensen’s ears and he tries to relax, steady his breathing, shuts his eyes and finally tips his head back.

This isn’t feeling good, but oh- was it exciting. Something new. Jared is going to tear him and make him bleed. But once he flops his arms over his head and puts on his best acting job, Jared starts making the most amazing noises against his ear. He’s moaning, which is a thing Jared doesn’t do. He’s talking so low that Jensen can’t make out each word. What he manages to make out is ‘fuck’ ‘baby’ and ‘gut you’

Jensen wants to moan so badly. He doesn’t - this is what Jared wants. He can give Jared this fantasy. At least Jared is with him and not with anyone else.

Jared drags the flat of his tongue against his cheek and across his ear and Jensen can’t keep from shaking. When Jared gives him the gift of touching his dick, he comes before Jared’s hand makes two strokes. Fast and hot, Jensen clasps his hand over his own mouth from making noises. He has to bite it painfully as Jared pulls out of his throbbing ass, the cold air making his insides burn even worse. Jensen tries not to flinch when Jay comes on his belly. Jared climaxing is always unsatisfying, quick and quiet. The man doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.

Jared stares down at his boy who has his face all pinched up, hand over his sweet mouth. His chest heaving harshly. Not dead. Far from dead. Jared feels frustrated.

Still - The boy listened well. So he decides to reward him. He moves Jensen’s hand away, kisses him sweetly and hums out “Daddy’s good boy.”

The look Jensen gives with his big wet scared eyes - It’s to die for.

 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Jensen’s twenty-first birthday. So where does the boy want to go? A nice dinner and a bar afterwards. Jared had other ideas on how to spoil his baby on his birthday. He could always grab some pathetic pretty thing and all three of them could have a wonderful night.

He’s been gutting people left and right. He doesn’t know if Jensen knows, but Jensen knows.

They haven’t talked about the lake yet. Haven’t even mentioned it.

They don’t mention any of it.

Jared wants a family with Jensen, he’s decided. Something twisted and dark that only the two of them would understand. But due to Jared’s weirdness, he doesn’t know if Jensen wants that. Too scared to ask, too scared of rejection.

And they both know how Jared gets when he gets a whiff of rejection.

“It’s so stupid! Okay- Okay look-” Jensen’s cheerfully high voice as he makes big hand movements while he talks. Jared’s obsessed. His drunk flushed cheeks, the dark dirty lighting on his features. That big- big smile Jared doesn’t deserve. And how Jensen looks at him.

Oh- Jensen was tragically his. Body, soul and mind. The most beautiful living thing Jared ever will see.

Jen goes on about some story at work, taking sips of his liquor till it’s dribbling down his chin. He laughs and it sounds better than any sinning preacher’s service. Beautiful, tragic, sinful. Jared is getting this feeling in his chest and he can’t comprehend it. It should be love. That awestruck love teenagers get. Which- it is. But Jared’s form of sappy love.

Take, take, take, protect, shield, mine, take, protect, shelter, hide, mine mine mine.

The feeling engulfs him and suddenly, he’s reaching out; fast and hard and grabs Jensen’s thigh. Little too high for public decency and it makes the blush on Jensen’s cheek grow.

Still- His legs spread automatically for Jared’s hand.

Jensen’s expression relaxes to sweetness and concern as he touches Jared’s hand on his thigh. What’s with the change of mood? By now, Jensen knows all of Jared’s mannerisms. The bar wasn’t very crowded. They were seated at the edge of the bar away from anyone. There’s not need for social anxiety.

Fingertips rub at the death claw on his thigh.

“Jay, What’s wrong?” He asks with a little smile, trying to meet eyes and of course, Jared’s dodging it. He’s staring at Jensen’s lap instead. Jensen hopes he’s alright. Hopefully it wasn’t the good food they ate that’s making him feel bad.

“We can leave, if you want.” Jensen offers softly and Jared shakes his head so hard, his groomed bangs fall in his eyes. He’s having a hard time wading through his emotions and understanding them. Like usual. He’s always had a hard time with feelings like this, even since he was a child. They died down as he got older, but now that Jensen is in his life like this… It’s very hard and very bad.

I want to gut you. I want you. I want to fuck you. Just. I want to be inside of you. Right this second. In any way I can.

With a deep sigh, Jared straightened himself, takes his hand off his boy and pushes his hair back. Normal Jared, Be fucking normal. It’s a special day.

“You’re beautiful. Right now. Right this second”

Jensen blinks his big green eyes a few times, lips delicately parted. He stares at this giant blushing man and sickly sweet feelings blooms in his chest. Oh- Oh his Jay is so fucking cute and sweet. Adorable even. Like a flustered teenager.

“Well Shit. I’m not even trying to be. But uh-” Jensen touches Jared back, on the knee and rubs lovingly. “Thanks. I G-Guess.” It’s still the sweet shit that makes him the most flustered. Jensen doesn’t understand why Jared could like him so much. It’s just something he doesn’t understand. They’ve been together almost a year now. Just a few weeks, it’ll be a year.

Maybe it’s the alcohol. It probably is. Jensen’s getting fucking sappy and he hates himself for it. He leans in close, putting his hand on Jared’s cheek. The man leans into it easily but still doesn’t look up.

“I love you. So much.” Jensen whispers intimately. It's something he's felt for a while now, just been too nervous to say. By now, Jared should know this. You don't do things with a person like they do if you don't love them deeply. He stares at his man, trying to pull some sort of reaction out of Jay. Nothing happens. And hhe doesn’t know if Jared is being his delayed self, or he doesn’t hear him over the music. So he repeats it. More forceful, still private.

“I love you, Jay.”

Love. It’s something that Jared’s broken mind can’t process. Sure- he knows his family loves him. It’s just a detached fact. He would assume he loves them back. He shyly makes eye contact and Jensen’s eyes are wet. Why? He wasn’t understanding.

In all the movies he watches, when someone said that, it was a big deal. People cried, babies were born. Shit like that. But Jared feels nothing. It’s just a statement. And for a second, he feels sad about it. Sad about the look Jensen is giving him, he wants to feel that. He wants to feel what his boy is feeling.

He simply can’t.

If he lets himself think about it too long, he’ll get mad about it.

Jared can’t express what he’s feeling or not feeling with words. He also assumes he loves him back. As much as he can at least. But Jensen’s face is deflating fast so he leans in, kisses him before the good tears turn bad. Noses squished against cheeks, Jensen’s smiling too fucking much to kiss properly. It’s okay. Jensen knows how Jay is. This is his “I love you too.”

Jared pulls away first, a small smile on his pink faded lips and Jensen is giving him the biggest heart eyes. What a cute boy.

They’re still close, breathing each other’s breaths and Jensen’s eyes close, just valuing being close to the man.

But something tar like and disgusting is pooling in his gut. Without pulling away from their intimacy, Jared glances around the bar. So empty. There’s about four people here. None of them are paying attention to them.

It’s Jensen’s birthday. They should celebrate for real.

Jared makes this noise that has Jensen’s invisible ears perking up. He gives Jared a quizzical look, wondering what was going on behind those hazel eyes. Could be good, probably bad.

“Lets go gut something.”

It shouldn’t sound sexy, but it does. Fucking sounds like Jared’s dirty talking to him and telling him to suck him off under the counter. Let everyone else watch and splatter his come all over his face.

Jensen blinks once more, eyes too big for his face and he leans back to give Jared a better look.

“What? You’re serious? Now?”

“It’s your birthday.”

Jensen frowns and rolls his eyes, nervously looking to see if anyone was over hearing them. Jesus Christ. Jared always has bad timing. Does he not understand you can't go around talking about murdering people out loud?

“Yeah. It’s mine. Not yours. This is where I want to be tonight. You, me, whiskey. And then later we can cuddle-”

“You said you loved me.” Jared protests softly, bumping his nose against Jensen’s. The boy gets stiff at that, shoulders raising like a cat and he scowls at him. It hurts Jared’s sensitive feelings.

“Y-eah. Don’t make me regret saying that, now.” Jensen warns seriously and it makes Jared upset. His shoulders get tense as well. Still, Jared’s playing up that charm too well and Jensen ends up sighing and petting Jay’s beard.

“C’mon. It’ll be fun.”

Jensen swallows hard. “I dunno, Jay. That’s-That’s your thing. Not mine.”

Are they seriously talking about this in a public bar? God fucking Damn it.

It makes the man’s feelings hurt more, his eyes getting all puppy dog like. Maybe Jensen isn’t like him at all. Maybe they couldn’t have this happy little fucked up family. They could even get a dog. Jared’s knee starts to bounce anxiously. Jensen notices he keeps making eyes at some guy off in the corner.

Jensen moves away to look better at whatever Jared is looking at and frowns. “Him?” He asks and Jared thinks it beautiful that they’re already on the same page. Soulmates, meant to be. Jensen does get him. Jensen loves him.

He doesn’t even look that attractive, but he’s not bad either. Jensen would give him a seven rating. Dark hair and beard, dark eyes. The guy looks tired but so do the other people drinking. Nothing special. Nothing to be missed probably. Maybe that’s why Jared likes him.

With a heavy sigh, Jensen spins around on the barstool and drowns himself in more liquor.

“Okay, Smart guy. How we going to get him out of here.”

Jensen’s not making plans yet, he’s just seeing what nasty shit Jared’s thinking about. Just because he’s curiously fucked up.

Jared joins him, spinning around and putting his elbows on the initial carved counter, hands over his mouth. It takes him a few beats of thinking but then… He get’s something amazing. Wasn’t too hard.

Jensen sees bright lion eyes and he knows he has a plan already.

“What?”

“You.”

Jensen screws up his face and repeats Jared’s single word. Jared only nods behind his hands.

Jensen doesn’t get it, what does he mean, ‘you’? He doesn’t want part in this. He’ll help clean up but no fucking way is he slitting throats here in the bar. But he knows Jared is smarter than that.

“You, baby. Just you. Go talk to him, be sweet. Then… take him out and I’ll be there. I’ll drag him to the car. Blame that he’s drunk and he’s my cousin.”

Jensen’s jaw drops. Jared formulated a plan too easily, too quickly. Maybe he’s thought about this before. What the fuck. The boy shifts uncomfortably, glancing to Jared’s prey then back to his whiskey. Excitement was bubbling up his spine. He wants to ask if Jared is serious but the man’s expression is proof enough.

“Shit, Jay. What if he isn’t gay? I-”

“You’ve done it before right? Your Johns?” Jared says casually and it strucks a red hot cord with Jensen. The kid looks like he’s ready to punch Jared out at mentioning that part of his life. He tells intimate things about himself; like how he street walked for money but Jay only brings up those things like this. It’s annoying and hurtful.

“Shut up.” Jensen barks and it has Jared grinning under his hands. “That was for a short time, I told you that.”

“But you were good at it. I can see why. You’re beautiful.” Jared says, trying to make Jensen feel better by complimenting him. It only makes Jensen squint harder.

“Please baby. All you gotta do is be your beautiful charming self. Say you’ll suck him off. I’ll be there to do the rest. It’s all you gotta do. Fuck- I’ll clean up the mess myself. Just-”

Jared’s words are quick and running into each other, he gets that way when he’s excited. His expression is stone cold, but those eyes are glowing bright in the fluorescent lighting.

Staring into his shot glass, Jensen contemplates.

“I don’t have to really blow him, do I?”

“Fuck no. I’ll kill him if he tries to touch you.”

Jensen smirks, rolling his eyes shut as he finished his drink. He knows Jared doesn’t want anyone touching him. It was a comforting thought. Jay is mad scary when he’s mad. It’s fucking hot, knowing no matter how mad he gets, He’d never hurt him.

Can’t say that for the guy in the corner over there. Or any one in this bar.

“I don’t think it’ll work.” Jensen half lies, running his hand through his hair. He’s still making excuses, seeing if Jared with roll his eyes and say forget about it.

Jared is an impulsive one track minder. And he has his track set to that guy being gutted like a deer.

Jared sighs heavily, swishes his drink around. “Try for me, baby.”

Yeah, he’s not going to let this go, then he’ll be a pissed angry baby all night.

Jensen sits there in silence for a long while, even asks for another drink to settle his nerves. Then, He’s heaving himself on slightly wobbly legs and over to the stranger. Jared is trying to hide his excitement.

Please say no, Please say no. Call me a fag and leave. If you were smart, you would.

Jared secretly watches Jensen walk over. It takes him a few strides, but soon he’s swaying his hips like an experience whore. It’s a good start. The bartender comes over to refill his drink and frowns as he’s waved away. No time for drinking now. He’s setting up the perfect scene.

He can hear Jensen laughing from the bar and soon, he slides into the opposite chair. Back arched, chin in his hands. Maybe Jensen is too good at this because jealousy in burning in Jared’s gut.

It’s quickly replaced when after a while, they’re leaving together. Shit. fuck. It actually worked. There was a small part of him that didn’t think it would. Chase is on. He waits for them to leave, before paying their tab and getting off the stool himself.

  
“Ah. Shit. You don’t have to pay me, man. It’s fine. I just… wanna.” Jensen says, trying to keep the man from reaching into his pocket to grab cash. He can’t accept money when he knows Jared is going to be around the corner and smash his face into the concrete any second.

Being in this situation; the bad lighting, the smell of piss in the alley, some guy babbling about his wife and kids and secret sexuality. It’s bring too much back and Jared isn’t here yet. He’s just going to tell the guy forget it and go to Jay’s truck. Call the whole thing off and deal with a piss baby Jared later.

Shaking nervous hands slide up his stomach and Jensen feels like throwing up. Where the fuck is Jared? If he’s being weird and deciding to wait exactly fifteen minutes, he’s going to kill him himself.

“You’re so beautiful, fuck I”m sorry. Do you- H-Hey!”

Jensen doesn’t know how Jared is suddenly just there- All 6’4 pure muscle. He’s quiet when he wants to be. Jensen pushes away from the man as quick as he can, more than glad to have slimy snake hands off him. He watches silently as he sees Jared do exactly what he thought he would; One punch then slams his head against the concrete wall.

Oh Fuck. They were actually doing this. Jensen’s head was starting to blur. This was happening.

Jared snorts, the man falling to his knees, blood down his nose and out of his ear. It’s pathetic for the both of them.

“Took you long enough. The fuck is your problem.” Jensen asks, stepping over the guy to get to his Jay. He bumps his forehead against his chest, just a little comfort contact and Jared quickly kisses the top of his head.

“Sorry. Had to get the truck set up.”

“Of course. You happy?” Jensen teases, rolling his eyes.

Jared is quiet, leaning down to throw the unconscious man over his shoulder. His Jay is so big and strong, it’s easy for him and it has Jensen swooning just a little bit.

“I’m getting there.” He replies with this wild look. Jensen’s knees feel weak.

  
Once again, just like the lake. Everything was turning numb for Jensen. Taking the guy home, sitting back and watching Jared…. Do his disgusting Jared stuff to him. It was amazing to see. Jared so huffy, all the muscles in his back arching and straining. He gets this look about him that makes him unrecognizable. It’s such a turn on.

He keeps asking Jensen to join in, but the boy silently shakes his head with a little smile.

It’s basic knowledge you don’t come between a lion and his dinner.

He’s doing the same thing to the girl in the blue dress. Exactly the same. Every cut, in the exact same order. Somehow, Jensen’s not surprised. Jared does everything the exact same way and when he can’t, he flips out.

Jensen forgets how much the human body bleeds. It’s fucking everywhere. It’s thick in the air, tinny and coppery smelling. Like an old coke can sitting in the sun for too long. Jared makes more noises fingering wound holes than fucking his ass. A bitter jealousy creeps out of nowhere and clots Jensen’s veins. It’s painful. It’s going to give him a stroke.

He likes this better than Jensen.

Jensen tucks his knees under his chin, closing his eyes and listened to the squishy noises and Jared groaning.

He knows Jared is finished, when there’s one final cut around the throat, and he’s heaving himself onto shakey feet. Shirt off, hair tangled and covering his face, pants undone. There’s Blood up his arms. Jensen’s toes curl in his converse as boiling hotness settles in is gut.

Then Jared’s jerks his head to him, so fast he’s surprised his neck doesn’t snap. He’s terrifying, he’s hot and heavy and Jensen feels like prey under his gaze.

Jensen tries to roll himself into a little ball as possible as Jay walks over to him. He doesn’t mean to cower, but he fucking can’t help it with that… thing charging at him. Hands too bloody, too tight and mean. Oh- It’s divine.

He won’t hurt me unless I ask, He won’t hurt me unless I ask. That’s the rule.

Right?

Still, Jensen’s shaking in that chair as Jay looms over him. But he tries to be a big boy about it. Makes himself straightened, puts on his ‘fake it till you make it’ attitude and smiles at his handsome man.

“Having fun?”

Jared replies by kissing him hard, biting at his lips and Jensen can only moan and cry into his mouth, trying to keep up. It’s done. It’s over. Now he can enjoy the rough sex they’ll have. All pumped up excited Jay, the only time he sees him have any type of emotion. Where he praises Jensen’s beauty and sucks new bruises over old ones. Makes Jensen feel wanted and needed, slows his own insecurities down for a little while.

“You love me right.” Jared pants against Jensen’s parted mouth. He still has to see, has to make sure. He’s not secure in this relationship and he keeps thinking Jensen is going to leave him.

Jared doesn’t understand that Jensen is the same way.

Jensen wraps his arms around his broad shoulders, keeps him close and closes his eyes.

“Yeah. Yeah of course, Jay. Always.”

That’s the problem, he loves him too much.


	20. Chapter Twenty

After his fun with the corpse, it took a little bit for Jared to get it back up. Or at least Jensen is convincing himself that. He’s trying not to think about how the dead body gets Jay harder than himself.

It’s a weird sort of jealousy. He’s not disgusted that Jared likes this better, he’s just jealous of that guy dead on the floor over there. But Jensen’s going to lock that up in a little box and hide it in the back of his mind.

He’s a middle aged man, he’s just an old fucking man. Jensen makes himself chuckle about it as wet hands slide up his sides. They leave trails, it’s cold now. Jared didn’t bother washing up, Jensen is keeping his eyes shut and just listening and feeling. Honestly, he’s a little scared to open his eyes. He’s scared about his reaction. Would he throw up and cry? Or would it turn him on? Jensen’s too scared to find out right now.

They’re on the bed, but the body is on the floor somewhere behind Jared.

“You’re beautiful like this” Jared repeats like a church prayer and Jen still doesn’t open his eyes to look. But fuck- Jensen is. Jensen’s covered in blood now. Up his naked sides and chest. It’s a beautiful contrast to his freckled flesh. His blood slick hands open his legs, goes between them and Jensen tips his head back when fingers slide in easily, blood slicking the way. Oh God- Jared really didn’t wash his hands. He didn’t think blood could be used as lube, but it’s working. It’s just really cold.

Jensen gets up on his elbows, trying to spread his legs to fit the massive man between them. It’s always a tight squeeze, makes his hips hurt after long periods like this. Jared is just- so fucking big.

His cock feels bigger, always does. The bed dips when Jared puts both of his hands on the bed, thrusts too hard into his ass and all Jensen is thinking is ‘We’re going to have to buy new sheets.’

It’s wet, it’s soggy, it burns just right. Ah Fuck.

“Jensen.” Jared called, short and needy and Jensen tips his head back, showing his neck to Jay so if he wants to do anything to it, it’s there. All for him, to do whatever.

“Jen-Sen” Jared calls once more, this time so much more mean and forceful, Jensen doesn’t want to open his eyes. He splits his name and it sounds like a knife to his chest gutting him open.

Tentatively, Jensen does. Doesn’t want to, but he knows that if he doesn’t, Jared will probably peel his eyelids open himself. Just one eye first, then the other, he didn’t realize Jared was so fucking close and the boy falls on his back, frightened.

Jared has that look like he wants to kill Jensen and he has to grab at his dick hard to stop him from shooting his load too early. He whimpers loudly, and Jared is right there to try and swallow the noises. Neither of them can breathe. Jensen sucks on Jay’s tongue like a baby’s paci and squeezes his balls tight.

“Shit Jay. Y-You can’t look at me like that. Just-” Jensen whines, making a sharp noise as Jared makes a particular hard thrust. Hits all the good buttons in him, Jensen ends up closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

Doesn’t stay there long, without warning, Jared is grabbing his chin and yanking his head up. Jensen feels something pop in his lower neck and winces. He can’t meet Jared’s gaze and it’s the first time he can see the blood on his body, and the dead thing behind Jared. Can only see a glimpse of it. And it shakes him to his core. He suddenly grabs for Jay like a child, putting his arms around him and hiding in his sweaty neck. The excitement was too much, the adrenaline, he could taste it on Jared’s skin. It was fucking contagious. Worse than any spring time flu in elementary school.

“Jay. Oh my god Jay.”

Jared hushes him through it, calls him pretty, calls him sweet and sexy. Everything in the book as he pounds his ass.

Hand on the neck, moving him down. Jensen’s ragdoll to it, watches what Jay’s doing. He doesn’t know what he wants, but they both know Jensen will let him. The bloody hand smears his flushed skin, up his neck, to his cheek. Jensen can’t help but shiver. So cold, so hot.

“Open your mouth.”

Jensen’s eyes get big at the idea. No way, he’s not going to- He opens his mouth to fucking complain but Jared somehow forces two wet fingers inside. Rough and probing, It reminds Jensen of their first time. Fingerbanging his mouth filthfully.

The boy chokes on the coppery taste down his throat, tries to get them out of his mouth, garbles a wet “ -’Nay” but Jared won’t give up. Petting the back of his fucking throat. Jensen has a weak gag reflex, this has been established. But knowing what was slicking Jared’s fingers, and how rough he was being- He’s going to fucking throw up on him. Dead man’s blood, in is mouth. He’s going to throw up. He can feel it.

Jared is unrecognizable. Crazy and greedy, his hair covering half of his face, mouth wide open, almost mimicking what he was doing to Jensen’s mouth. He’s even licking his mouth like a hungry lion.

Then Jensen bites down, really hard on Jared’s fingers. Not caring and knowing he likes pain. Maybe it’s to make Jay happy, maybe he’s just too scared about this whole thing. Jensen never knows and he feels like he’s never going to figure it out. The man blushes like a virgin, tries to yank his fingers out, hisses more at the delicious pain and finally, Jensen lets go.

“F-Fucker.” Jensen spits out blood and saliva, angry with him but then he sees that excited grin on Jared’s face. What an asshole, what a fucking freak. This was all too much. Clouding Jensen’s mind, making him feel good and bad and disgusting and hot.

Jensen laughs. He just laughs at Jared’s reaction. First a chuckle, then hysterically like The Joker himself. Jensen stares up at the ceiling, arms over his head, he laughs till he’s crying about it. Big fat tears falling down his red red cheeks. He can't stop it, doesn't fucking care. Jared doesn't even bat an eye and fucks him harder till Jensen is roughly bouncing on the bed. It’s a loud and booming sound until Jared puts his hand over his mouth.


End file.
